Jump into my veins
Like a bolt of lightening
Been down this path before
So it's kind of frightening
Trying
to step carefully
Not to fall flat
on my back
Sneak quietly through this place
Without reeking havoc
Though I know the
deeper I go down
The darker it will get
But I don't fret
I see this as a game
You will not just
come be with me
Then I shall keep myself
entertained
However that may be
      Sneaking through the forest
      with the wolves right
             in front of me

I'm dead meat
And I can't stop giggling

Who shall win the game?

I don't want to be
your midnight lover
And not your daytime friend
I want you to take me places
Not just lay in my bed
I want you to know
the depth of me
But I'm too scared
of your judgment

Who are you?
What am I?
Who have we become?
Our hearts
May have different beats
But they're still on
The same drum
You may still show
   your face sometimes
But I'm still out
       of luck
So hard to keep
   you by my side
If you're going to
  stay so stuck

I'm running a muck
The baddest part
            of me
Always let be
To roam around
          free
As long as it's
not in my mind
  torturing me

You could set me
                      free
Let both our
    caged hearts fly
But first you must
  make
your biggest escape
And stop the lies

Hard, isn't it?

Between the two of us
We have enough battle scars
To cover football fields
We've been hurt so often
We perfected
How to heal
How to control what we feel

So between us
    there lies a giant scab
All the pain we've caused
                                     each other
           lies just beneath the surface
Careful not to pick it
         Don't let the blood rise to the
                                                           top
Cause if the wound is opened up
                                      again
    I don't think
                 it's gonna stop

there are dark times
Where not even words can find me
those times
I can go weeks without writing
why do I experience such breaks?
such immense writer's block
swimming alone in a sea of company
I get lost
The passion disappears
And I feel empty
The words they just won't come
to free me of this misery

Where am I?
Where have my precious poems flown?
I must know so I can
Find a way to follow
Get myself back in sync
With the waves inside this ocean
Lead myself back to god
Try to keep myself open

And when that moment does strike
I am in the wrong place and time
I cannot stand aside
And let the words in my mind
                                             unravel
And I never get them back
They fly away without me
and I am stuck
         can't find their tracks
         And see where they have gone
For if I do not heed them
         They will leave me

Where can I find control?
     Or is that the whole point?
Not being able to have a say
     of when these words will free me
     of where these words will take me

For it seems
        I am a prisoner
           to the thing that
                        sets me free.

To You,
I feel betrayed
I was patient and I waited
And you're still not here
Will you ever be?
You gave me excitement
I wanted to see you
  But all you have given me since
Is silence
No apology
for not arriving on time
No mention
Of when you may actually arrive

It makes me feel
unimportant

It always did.

I feel paranoid
Like you're watching
every move
I can't
hear the door creak
or the air shift
without my heart going off
like the shot has been fired
and the race has started

the need has only been intensified
And it chokes me.

I hate everything today
It makes me sick
I hate the things I've done,
The life I lived
The people I've abandoned
And those who've
abandoned me
I hate failing everytime I
               get so close
Something always happens
That keeps me locked at home
I hate that you never came
Never even bothered to
Show your face
I hate being left behind
No choice but quiet rage
  raging pain
I want to make it go away
But it consumes me
  And I
   hate.

All that I succeed at
Is making people turn
       their backs
I'm more than flawed, I know
I've got my share of evil pasts
But all I'm doing
     is stumbling through life
I can't see straight
And I hate
  all this strife.