aphrodite

aphrodite Mar 2014

Oh, there is something!
Something that shakes my spine.
Something that pumps blood to my heart,
something alive in this body of mine.

Oh, can you feel it coming?
Can you picture the prisoners breaking free?
Can you hear the children's laughter?
Can you see the monsters flee?

Oh, it is rising!
Rising from deep inside of me.
Something that is yellow,
something that could set me free...

Oh, how exciting!
When you think you've seen some light,
Though it is dim and far away,
It is still within my sight.

No, I'm not sick of fighting,
but I'm sick of falling on my knees.
Now nature is showing me it's beauty
and magic is calling out to me.

Oh, can you hear them calling?
Can you see the Angels of the Seas?
They float atop the violent waves,
they carry the ocean's breeze.

Oh, I've stopped my crying.
The wound in my side no longer bleeds,
I see shooting stars falling
to grant the wishes our souls need.

So, I'm not lying
when I tell you I'm doing okay.
Though it hasn't been too easy,
I'm still breathing for a new day.

Oh, how hard I'm trying!*
To fight for those four letters.
I've been battling for courage, strength and beauty...
For hope to make me better.

Today, I am happy that what is on my mind is the message of hope.
After a series of heavy poems, I hope you find this refreshing.
**

aphrodite Mar 2014

Up all night

Hello, 2 am.
I've been seeking you again...
searching for a friend
to help me release pain that seems to never end.

Hello, 3 am.
Where do I begin?
Stuck in the same place I've always been
Committing my usual nightly sins.

Hello, 4 am.
Have you been missing me?
I could use your company
to keep me from falling asleep.

Hello, 5 am.*
Thanks for raising your sunny face.
It's been a long night,
but I'm glad I've outrun this chase.

"It's always darkest before the dawn"
I'm trying to remember those words when my nights seems the darkest, and I hope you all try the same.
**

#apx

aphrodite Mar 2014

Humiliation at best (10 w)

I cannot write** knowing you will never care for me.

A list of other things I can't do:
- eat
-sleep
- think without feeling the weight of embarrassment on my shoulders

#apx

aphrodite Feb 2014

But I'll come back; I always do.

I didn't cry for two years,
Because I refused to let myself feel.
I promised that I would save my tears
for something that deemed my emotions real.

It was a method that helped me get by -
Not questioning why certain things felt so heavy to carry,
I never let myself feel the urge to cry,
Because the thought that I may never stop was an idea too scary.

And then I saw you
and I didn't know if anything would feel worse,
than the way you said my name
Or how your eyebrows raise when you curse.

You messed up my two year streak.
You interfered with my way of living.
And now I always let the water leak
from my eyes until my emotions are swimming.

So I'm sick of writing poems about you,
and I hate that you made me cry.
These are my last lines for you,
this is me saying goodbye.

This marks the first day of letting go of someone who never wanted to be held onto...
(I will say this every day until those words will finally feel true.)

aphrodite Feb 2014

Are nights this hard for everyone?

I would give everything to not sleep alone tonight,
I have tried so many drugs to make this burden feel light.
But nothing is helping to rid these beasts out of sight!
Show me something to end this nightmare,
give me something to win this fight.

i do this to myself every night and i wish change werent so difficult.

aphrodite Feb 2014

It never rests!

Oh mother,
I can't bear to see you cry
That's why I'll bite my tongue
Instead of saying goodbye.

Oh lover,
Why are you so shy?
I'm starting to get bad again
You're the reason why.

the timing is all wrong and this was not what i wanted.

aphrodite Feb 2014

Things I am and things I am not

There are many things I can tell you, and many things I cannot.
The amount of battles I've won is much less than the ones I've fought.
But I've got lots of knowledge buried inside my skull
Some of which is morbid, but most of which is dull.

I can tell you how to sweep the kitchen floor without leaving behind crumbs,
I can tell you how to twist a doorknob without using your thumbs.
I can tell you how to get to Union Station from the West-bound train,
I can teach you different pranks that will drive your brother insane.

I can tell you how to sear small burns into your delicate skin,
I can name you all the different pills that will make you thin.
I can tell you how to hurt yourself in places no one will find,
I can tell you how to arrange your coke into a perfect line.

But there are things I cannot say, for I have not discovered:
How to find hope, how to be kind, or how to be a lover.
I'm still learning how to drive my car in standard,
And I'm still trying to figure out how to behave in a polite manner.

Every day I learn, and every day I fail
But my burning desire for growth will always prevail.

Because although I am destructive and ill and cold
And though I am young and foolish and bold
I am still looking forward to what the future will hold
Because there are many things I can tell you, and many things to be told.

Wrote something fairly optimistic for the way that I'm feeling right now.
Hope you enjoy.
**

#apx