if the ouroboros is two snakes eating each other’s tails, does it matter which snake bit first?

i’m a newborn foal, brought into the world already walking,
i stumble with my shaky, bony legs,
and i run with my unrefined instincts,
i chomp at the bit.

at the skate park,
i lie on my back and bask in the sun.
my friends are testing their luck on the halfpipe
and i’m dozing off,
watching little boys on razor scooters race each other up ramps.
when i was little, my best friend said i rode a scooter goofy style
(she told me it was a skateboarding term)
because i pushed with my non-dominant foot.
when my roommate teaches me to skateboard,
on a drizzly evening than i spend falling ******* brick roads,
i push with my left as i struggle up the hill.

i always wonder.
i know i’ve seen a foal,
sticking close to its mother,
but i can’t remember where, or when.
i know i’ve watched a snake swallow a mouse whole,
i know i’ve experienced the cruel, cold snap of the mouse trap,
but i don’t remember these things.
i know of the mouse trap but i can’t tell you whether i got to eat the peanut butter before i died,
and i know of being eaten,
but when the snake sinks its fangs into me,
i can’t feel them going in.

i’m hanging out the car window at 1am,
the ice cream is freezing my teeth.
when i got my wisdom teeth out,
they were gone before i could finish counting down from ten.
the worst part wasn’t the foreign discomfort of the iv in my arm,
it was afterwards,
when i knew something had been taken from me
and i hadn’t been present to witness it.

i am a single-snake coiled around itself,
i am a failure of an ouroboros.
i’d rip off my own tail before i bite someone else’s,
and now i bite down on the ragged stump desperately,
as if my will alone can stop the blood.

i have forgotten to witness something. maybe i just wasn’t paying attention.
i read the sparknotes after the fact.
i’ve been given the facts of their life,
this person whose shedded skin i slipped into,
but none of the most visceral, intimate details.
i know to be disgusted but no one ever told me why.
i know to accept the slimy warmth of my own blood in my mouth,
but i don’t know why i’m bleeding.

i would stop another snake’s bleeding,
if they would stop mine.
they can eat me whole for all i care,
i’ll be their mouse.