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Pudge Dec 2021
there's a pain that echoes
the kind that gets reiterated every time
the fallen angel traces where his wings used to be
what was beauty incarnate is now
an abhorrent malignant stump

he still finds traces of memories he had
of the allfather in places of worship
when he closes his eyes he swears
like he was back Home
basking in his Presence
a certain warmth passes through him
enlightenment that every single
thing he's done lead him to this moment
and he's exactly where he was meant to be

but then his eyes open

and the feeling of warmth subsides
replaced by the howling silence
the gaping god shaped hole inside him
opens up and swallows him whole

caressing a nearby marble figure
"if only we were as perfect
as you painted us out to be"
he murmurs under his breath
as he steps back outside
the hell he calls life
Pudge Apr 2016
picture perfect, sadly, doesn't translate into emotions. paperweight relationships usually die with the threat of emitting a spark. we are the people who were raised not to tame the flames inside us. this is the only way we know how to love. it's either we both go down this rabbit hole or you can sit your *** down in Kansas, Dorothy. there is no in between, we either  entangle ourselves in this folie à deux or nothing at all. sad to say you'll never know how brutal honest lust feels like. how these muffled moans sound like unwritten gospels. how these jaw clenching sighs are the only prayers that cannot be held back by the ceiling. I'd always choose primal over prim and proper. if it's anything short than honest, consider it fake. life is too short to spend it people who are half measures.
Nov 2015 · 2.9k
breakup letter
Pudge Nov 2015
we both knew
that this was going to hurt
sooner or later
so stop crying
this love is a wound
that we kept on pretending,
kept lying to ourselves
was a battle scar
for a war
we've never even fought

I'll pack my bags
and stitch my wounds
so please, at least
have the decency
to tell me you didn't
really love me

at least, give me
a reason to sleep
after I've cried
rivers out of my eyes

lie for me
one last time
for old times sake
pretty please?
Nov 2015 · 1.4k
Life's Labyrinth
Pudge Nov 2015
I'd rather be stuck in a literal maze,
at least then I'll be able to see the walls.
Nov 2015 · 1.3k
i
Pudge Nov 2015
i
these are the luxuries money can't buy
these are the smiles clowns can't fake
these are the places cars can't reach
this is the kind of happiness death can't take
Oct 2015 · 1.5k
...
Pudge Oct 2015
...
you are eighteen and struggling to know who you really are.
the friends that you keep close make you feel so worthless
but at least you aren't lonely,
or at least that's what you tell yourself.

you think about how things were so different a year ago
and how things quickly fell apart.
two dimensional friends come and go
you don't even have the strength to care anymore.

so you write down all the things real enough to say
but not enough courage to say it.
that's the thing about art, it's still beautiful
even though it may be broken and misunderstood.
Oct 2015 · 1.4k
#
Pudge Oct 2015
#
remember that night you told me
that you loved me
and I said "prove it,"
so you took the cigarette off my lips
and said "I'm the only vice you need."
Oct 2015 · 1.4k
True Happiness
Pudge Oct 2015
I hate self-help books.

It's not just how I feel so envious and helplessly depressed to be told 'just be happy' or 'go out there and just do something other than being depressed' with heightened language and flowery figures of speech.

The fact that a stranger out there is telling you what you should feel about a personal experience. It's as if feeling sad is the worst thing that can happen to a person, how you should be blissfully ignorant of all these things around you and just focus on being happy.

I guess I'm just saying that I want to be happy for a cause, and not just be happy carelessly. I want that kind of happiness that sticks with you inevitably, not just because you're in a certain pleasant situation. I want my happiness to be part of me and not just an experience with someone or something. I want to be truly happy and not just experience happiness.
Sep 2015 · 1.1k
With You
Pudge Sep 2015
'cause nothing can ever make
             me feel more vulnerable
                     and yet safe,
                             than being
                                   with you.
Sep 2015 · 1.6k
To My Kind Editor
Pudge Sep 2015
I will love you with no regards as to who you've loved before me. No matter who has tasted your oh so precious lips before they met mine.

I will love you no matter who hates you or who loves you, or who loves hating you. I will love you no matter who you love or who you hate, or who you hate loving.

I will love you no matter what a certain group of people say about us, even if this certain group of people are your friends, my friends, or our parents.

I will love you as a novel loves being read and as the reader loves reading a certain quote that he found on the internet that convinced him to buy the novel and how that certain quote loves being revised online as to fool someone's followers on Twitter that it was his own.

I will love you no matter how many typos you have when drunk texting me, or drunk texting someone else who, I hope to God, isn't your ex.

I will love you no matter what songs you sing in the shower, no matter how wrong the lyrics are or if you're out of tune, or even if you don't take showers at all.

I will love you as a graphic artist loves drawing his favorite stroke, even if his professor says it's not the right way it should be done.

I will love you as a certain DJ loves playing his favorite remix, even if the crowd hates The 1975 remixes because they're too biased to appreciate it.

I will love you no matter what bands break up next year and no matter what bands get back together and pull out another Fall Out Boy.

I will love you even if the clowns stop laughing at their own jokes, even if the priests start questioning their own homily sermons, or even when the masses stop laughing at the priest's jokes at homily.

I will love you even if you stop correcting my works even when you grow tired of my mistakes, not only my grammatical ones but the ones I make literally.

I will love you no matter what color your hair is or if you wear contacts to sleep or not. I will love you even if you stop tracing my lips as I fall asleep beside you, even if you steal the blankets at the coldest of nights.

I will love you even if you regret meeting me and that you allowed me to woo you with my saccharine tongue.

That is how I will love you, so please just don't regret loving me.
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
The Morning After
Pudge Jul 2015
the memory I'm most fond of is waking up next to you after the morning after I first met you, with your leg across my waist. your body unconsciously wrapped itself around me. like it was the most natural thing in the world to do. my heart was beating fast like it was terrified and yet amazed simultaneously as I looked at you, peacefully asleep next to me. your eyes closed, your mouth open just a little bit, and your lips were ripe, like it was waiting to be kissed. then and there I realized that some things in the world, when they meet, just fit each other. no friction at all. I wouldn't call such thing as destiny or fate, what a cliché   way to label something so natural. then and there I also realized that such things aren't supposed to stay together for long periods of time. the magic of the moment dies if you live in it too much, and with that thought I bit the grin that was etching itself on my mouth and with that, I stopped myself from falling for someone I knew I couldn't love.
Jul 2015 · 1.4k
Some Days
Pudge Jul 2015
some days the bravest thing
that you can do is breathe
there will be days
that you will not feel like yourself
there will be days
that the demons inside you will prevail

some days the bravest thing
that you can do is get out of bed,
eat something, cry your eyes out,
scream at the top of your lungs,
bleed, bleed for you are alive
and struggling to be alive

some days the bravest thing
that you can do is live
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
Untitled
Pudge Jul 2015
this room
this narrow dark room
altered the very course of fate of some people
here where the light can no longer reach

this would be a place
that I wish I could wipe from
my memory but it sticks there
in the back of my mind
the insatiable all-consuming darkness

the tortures that came upon me
were unspeakable
they pricked at the tenderest skin
that I had, and sawed it
back and forth
with the dullness
of a fingernail that
was bit off
clawing at my throat
day in
and day out

it bent not only my will
but my ability to conceive hope
and yet I still hung on to the
thinnest of threads;
memories
of a far away place
where everything is bathed in sunlight
where warmth is as
common as air

the light thinks it travels faster,
faster than anything
but little does it know that
it finds darkness was there
first, just waiting patiently
Jun 2015 · 932
Untitled
Pudge Jun 2015
it's 2 am & my bed feels so hollow
i swear i could almost
hear your name echo
when i rest my head on my pillow

the way a conch echoes
the sound of the ocean
it pangs against walls
we used to call home
it now feels more
mausoleum than sanctuary

how sure i was of you
the way the shores were sure
that the waves would
come back with the tide

free fall was not a state
i thought i'd be
accustomed to
Jun 2015 · 2.8k
The Gatsby Effect
Pudge Jun 2015
there are some kisses that I could have sworn
it would never end.
there are some hugs that I wish could stop time
if only I just squeeze the person tight enough.
there are some goodbyes I hope I'll never have to say,
there are eulogies that I don't want to hear
and there are songs that I don't ever want to end.

I'm agnostic but sometimes I pray
for the moon not to go down when I'm with you.
I beg for it to hold on for at least a few more hours
before dawn takes over but it never does.

if there's one thing I've learned it's:
no matter how much you beg, plead or promise
happiness is always fleeting from our fingertips.
happiness is never truly "yours",
it is simply just your turn to smile.

Ted made it rain for Robin,
but here I am trying to stop time for you.
Mar 2015 · 1.9k
Untitled
Pudge Mar 2015
ARIES: please remember that you are not a graveyard for all those dead butterflies you once had

TAURUS: tell us how long have you been waiting for someone to say the words "the feeling is mutual"?

GEMINI: you've sunk so low. the only difference between you and the Titanic is that someone had the decency to shout "brace for impact!"

CANCER: your life is a continual series of "i should have kept my mouth shut" and "how did i **** that up?"

LEO: remember the night you died via that lump on your throat? how the taste of guilt buried itself under your tongue

VIRGO: you can't fix people who don't want to be fixed. and most importantly, you can't love someone who doesn't want to be loved

LIBRA: it's not self-harm anymore if you let someone else see the scars

SCORPIO: they told you to stay away from trouble but honestly, i think trouble should stay away from you

SAGITTARIUS: tell us how falling in love with her felt like lighting a cigarette & then seeing a sign that says "no smoking"

CAPRICORN: tell a starving kid on the street that god loves him. that the suffering he feels rn will come to pass. i dare you to lie

AQUARIUS: god cringes on memories of you praying. especially the ones that just beg for the ones you love to love you back

PISCES: tell us about that night you talked to god, how he said "i got tired of answering prayers because all i ever used to say was sorry."
Pudge Mar 2015
oh god knows how irrevocably in love i am with you. he knows about my carnal desires and those ungodly dreams i have of you that keep me twisting and turning in bed at night. he can hear each and every silent prayer that i have for you to be sitting on my face right now. my lust for you to be my queen, and for my face to be your throne. he knows bout those mouth-watering wishes that i could taste you on the tip of my tongue right now. he knows about the thirst i have that only your open legs can quench. god bless my insatiable libido when it comes to you.
Pudge Feb 2015
i have poetry that doesn't deserve to be written on paper, metaphors that are so strong that my pen quivers when i try to write them down. they only deserve to be written between your legs with the tip of my clever tongue as the pen. it is the type of poetry that can only be recited with your moans in the background, and with your nails digging wounds into my back. i want to watch your reaction as you die a million ecstatic deaths while i write each and every word of my ****** poetry at the back of your ears, on your neck, on your collarbone that shyly peeks through your shirt and the middle of your ******* where it always feels like home. i want to worship constellation of stars on your back with kisses. every kiss serves as a period, every stroke of my tongue is an exclamation point. i want you to curse my name and pull on my hair as you feel my kisses go, oh so excruciatingly slowly, up your inner thighs. there are not enough metaphors for me to tell you how beautiful you are to me, but here i am still trying to praise you with everything i have.
Pudge Feb 2015
the inches you are away from me
can be measured by miles
there is not enough liquid confidence
in any alcohol that can persuade me to kiss your smiles

your eyes are a promise of heaven
while my hands are proof that hell exists
but in exchange of the taste of your lips
it'll be my pleasure to denounce all my beliefs
Feb 2015 · 1.0k
iris
Pudge Feb 2015
so while we were out shopping yesterday, i was just accompanying her since she liked the idea of me being the first one to see her on her new clothes, she asked of what was my favorite part of her body was. she stood there in front of me flexing her long legs teasing me, and oh yes of course i was aroused but that wasn't why i fell in love with you. i pulled her close pushed her hair behind her ears, just because she loves it, and said "it's your eyes." and of course she burst out laughing because i was saying way too cheesy stuff for her again. little did she know that i was telling her the truth. ******* sag, teeth fall off, hair turns white and even angelina jolie's lips crack under the spotlight of the cameras. but the eyes, they don't grow old. they don't waver, they don't fade, they don't sag and they never change. my mother told me that the eyes are windows to the soul and i agree with her. modern technology nowadays can alter your non-existent ***, your sagging *****, the freckles on your nose, even that cute mole near your lower lip but they can never truly alter your eyes. the eyes never lie and that is why they're my favorite part of you. i am irrevocably in love with the way you see me through them.
Feb 2015 · 1.2k
ungodly
Pudge Feb 2015
im agnostic but i indulge myself in the idea of heaven. if there was such a place, im pretty sure that the angels would blush because she moans my name so loud that heaven itself could hear her cries of pleasure. every "oh god" that comes out of her ungodly lips an angel gets a *****. she has a body that can make an atheist believe in god long enough for him to say
"*******". her legs are my own personal tower of babel, my kisses climb up and up towards where her drenched desires lie, there i would speak many tongues. her lips are the forbidden fruit and i am the snake that protects it. as i have said before, i am agnostic but she is my religion.
Jan 2015 · 1.4k
succubus
Pudge Jan 2015
nothing beats the euphoria of waking up next to her. the ecstasy of waking up next to the girl of your dreams. but she's much better than that because she's the girl of my reality. when i wake up before her, i just place my face a few centimeters away from her's. and i try to survive on the breath that she's done with. the way her lips quiver while she's dreaming makes me want to have her for breakfast. if only god allows it, there won't be a morning where she doesn't wake up with good morning kisses between her legs. her moans would be my ringtone and i don't care if people stare at me when someone calls, i'll even wait till the part where she screams god's name in vain. i'd gladly go to hell for her and if the devil asks me if she was worth it, i'll laugh and light a cigarette with hellfire and say "i'm actually waiting for her here."
Jan 2015 · 1.5k
i should've kissed you
Pudge Jan 2015
my arms are hungry for your body beside me at night. i still remember the first night that we slept together; the stench of cigarette smoke on your hair and the salty taste of sweat on the back of your neck. i was intoxicated with how much i wanted you and ******* i regret that i didn't kiss you that night. but i knew kissing you would take much more than mere liquid confidence that we got from cheap liquor. i guess i was saving our kiss for more a more drastic event. and here am i months later; ive become the ghost of our relationship that never began in the first place. i am haunted by our firsts cause i know that they may be our lasts. the first time that we set eyes on each other you only had a towel on. the first thing i noticed about you was that you had a scar on your right cheek that i always thought was cute. once i gazed upon your eyes i could've sworn that there was something inside me screaming that you beautiful. that night we slept beside each other and all i was thinking of was that i wanted to pause time. your head on my arm, reading some novel i don't know. my heart pounding inside my chest trying to stop imagining what your lips would taste like. ******* i should've kissed you. now all i have is this reoccurring nightmare wherein you walk down the aisle with the man i could have been but did not become.
Pudge Jan 2015
she loved being naked in front of him. not because she had large ******* or a nice ***. she didn't have that. every rose has her thorns. but the way he looked at her when she's bare. her consistently dry lips he made moist, kissed the constellations of pimples on her back, he made the hair on the back of her neck stand up every time she would feel his breath in the middle of her legs. he loved all her imperfections. he traced her every fault line with his tongue and she blossomed for him. she didn't need to ask if he would still love her when she was no longer young and beautiful for she knew that he would love every wrinkle she would have on her face. every white hair, every sagged piece of skin she would have. he was the kind of man that could kiss all her imperfections away.
Jan 2015 · 1.1k
never fall for a writer
Pudge Jan 2015
don't you dare fall in love with a writer. the exquisite pleasure of loving him will come with a price. he will turn your lips into metaphors, his poetry will be stuck in between your teeth, and he will make you fall in love with each and every flaw that you have, his tongue will embody his lust and the skin between your legs will become his canvass. his lies will be so white it will be a more potent form of *******. and not for long, he will turn you into just another boring piece of literature.
Jan 2015 · 1.2k
homesick
Pudge Jan 2015
I crave those days back when I could just look behind my shoulder
and I would see you lying there reading on my bed.
I wonder why I never wrote about how happy I was with you.

Those suppressed smiles that would tug upon the edges of your lips as you read my poetry.
I can still remember how your tongue brushes your front teeth when,
oh how you used to exquisitely say "I love you."

I never paid much attention to the curves of your form back then.
How the arc of your spine is the red carpet for the curve of your ***.
How enticing your features were, when you lay bare on top of my sheets.
How the round edges of your lips were appetizers for the round brown eyes you had.
Your cute button nose.
Your chest slowly rising and deflating to match your breath.
I fell irrevocably in love with each time your breath exaggerates the fullness of your chest.

I still remember how the skins between your ******* would feel a lot like home
and truth be told;
I'm homesick.
Jul 2014 · 1.4k
I've Seen God
Pudge Jul 2014
I've seen Him through the lips of those tired preachers in the middle of his homily.
I've seen Him in the eyes of the homeless as the kids cut classes in school.
I've seen Him as alcoholics sweat as they  swallow before priests bless the wine.
I've seen Him answer the prayers of  a daughter who was violated by her father.
I've seen Him come out of the wallets of those whose names we see on billboards.

I've seen God.
I see Him everywhere, everyday.
I believe He exists. Do you?
#god #religion #faith
May 2014 · 1.7k
For Eyes Can't Speak
Pudge May 2014
Our eyes locked as I held a hand that didn't belong to you. We said nothing for our eyes were screaming out what we were dying to say. My faux smile slowly melted as I saw the rapid blinking of your eyes saying that you were on the verge of tears. A sympathetic frown creased my forehead, silently begging you not to cry, for if you do I might lose my sanity. This is all for the best, I thought staring at your unblinking eyes. The hand that I was holding clenched mine more tightly. I saw the pain clash your face just for a fraction for a second; the expression of someone who had just been stabbed. But it wasn't over, she grabbed me and pulled me closer to her body forcing my hands to embrace her. I felt her face settle into my chest. I glanced back at you, but soon as I did, I wished I hadn't. The walls that were keeping you from crying had now collapsed. Your hands covering your face , still trying to hide the tears that were inevitable to run from anymore. Soon I was crying a river of my own, stretching out my hand towards you. I touched your head and patted it, giving myself false hope that somehow this gesture may soothe your pain, but careful enough not to disturb the ******* my chest. Our eyes met yet again. I love you.. My eyes begged to be heard but it was for naught. For eyes can't speak. But oh, how I wish they could.

— The End —