And I'd rather make sense
than still be with you
again.
Only time can be a
prophet, & it sees all in
the end.
Yes I'd rather pretend
than be a shadow once
again.
I won't volunteer my
heart when finally
it's mine to lend.

Dear Him,
My name is, wouldn’t you like to know? Wouldn’t you like to see what I see every day? You’re fragile and simple and just pink, raw humanity all rolled into this shape, this form, this line of your jaw. I want to fix you.
Just don’t let me down. Don’t let me think that this will be over, because I can’t stick up for you all of the time. I’m moving on to greener grasses. I’m done with these half empty glasses. Does it matter that I’m hurt when your lying broken on the floor? I want to fix you. I want to pull the gray that’s shading your life and twist it round my finger. I want you to know, and to remember that this isn’t who you are. Life is a process of becoming, and we need to figure out who we want to turn into. Don’t turn into one of the bad guys. My heart breaks every time. Every time. And I won’t let it break again.
*I will fix you.

Like watercolor paintings our sadness pooled at our edges, deepening our pigment, staining every move. And I turned into you like something tragic, something broken- voicing apologies, but with sweet security you traced a finger to my lips and kissed them speechless.
So we melded together, twisting like ribbons ‘round our limbs, every exhale his inhale, every arch of my back supported by gentle hands, fingers curling into skin. He stole my breath, leaving crimson bruises in the curve of my neck.
Then suddenly I ended and he began. Vaguely aware of my nails along his spine, I couldn’t tell which heartbeat was mine anymore. No space between us, just skin on skin on skin on skin ‘til the blur of motion was just waves on the ocean that was us. No more soft spoken sighs, names whispered into the night- down to bare raw syllables, kissing shoulders, enveloped in his arms- I felt connection I’d never known before. Something pure, something more.
Last night our hurt became the glue that bound us to each other. And I’ll never forget such love.

I love how
your laughter
surprises your eyes.
As if they were so used
to broken syllables, they
think laughs are heartache in
disguise.
And I love how
your hands fit
so softly in mine.
How they tighten like they're
worried I'm not what's
advertised.
You're worth those smiles.

I am bleeding blossoms of
virility- thorns are sprouting from
my chest.

I'm trying hard to feel
security. Trying harder not to
guess.

It's always a second chance
with me.

I am a gasp of
breath, drifting on the
winds of change
breezing through your
window.

But I just want to know why you’re
so old, so cold, so bone-chillingly
alone
out here.

You’re my Sky.

And I just don’t understand where
Mami is where daddy with the big hat
could be while you
shiver and shake I
can’t take
you back there with me.

You’re my Sky.

So we huddle under stars while the cars
they drive they’re faster than your
heartbeat it’s slowing let’s play
a game while we
shiver and shake I can’t take
you back there with me.

You’re my Sky.

We wait.