I just want someone to care for me.
I just want someone to care for.
I just want someone to care.
I just want someone.
I just want...
I just...
I...

I hate emotion.
It’s poison,
it’s weakness,
it’s pain.
I hate feeling.
it’s destruction,
it’s obliteration,
it’s damaging.
I hate sentiment.
It’s vulnerability,
it’s tears,
it’s pathetic.
But I can’t keep them away.
I love stoicism.
It’s strength,
it’s armor,
it’s walls.
I love privacy.
It’s respect,
it’s secure,
it’s safe.
I love silence.
It’s clear,
it’s impenetrable,
it’s threatening.
But I can’t keep them up.

If every mile between us was a year,
we would be millennia apart.
If every lonely breath was a dying star,
the night sky would be black as ink.
If every tear was a page in a book,
between us, we could fill volumes.

If every bit of longing was a rubber band,
my heart would explode from pressure.
If every moment alone was a color lost,
my world would soon go dark.
If every day without you was a heap of gold,
I would sacrifice it in a heartbeat.

If only were together again,
the distance would close,
the sun would return,
the pages would burn.

If only I could see you again,
my heart would ease,
I’d regain my sight,
I would be alright.

She seems nice.
If you’re into one word responses,
and silent, bored stares.

She seems nice.
If you’re into lackluster smiles
and unenthusiastic vibes.

She seems nice.
If you’re into rants and complaints,
and acerbic comments.

She seems nice.
If you’re into rolled eyes,
and, “You’re not funny,” replies.

She seems nice.
If you’re into judgmental glances,
and not taking chances.

She seems nice.
If you’re into insecure hand holding,
and constant reinforcement.

She seems nice.
If you’re into that.

I wish I could take the pain away.
I wish I could shoulder your burden,
your heartbreak,
your tears.
I wish I could protect you with my cold heart,
my emotionless void,
my stoic mind.
I wish I could take away your pain,
your sorrow,
your longing.
I want to help you to recover
to let go
to rebuild.
I want to tell you that you’ll be fine,
you’ll move on,
you’ll be happy again.
I want you to know I’m sincere,
I’m honest,
I’m hopeful.

But I can’t.

I’ve never been in your shoes;
I can’t imagine how it feels to lose
your world,
your heart,
your everything.

I’ve never felt this way;
I can’t understand what it means when you say
you loved her,
you need her,
you’d marry her.

I’ve never been rejected;
I can’t comprehend how it affected
your life,
your mind,
your future.

I can’t sympathize;
I’ve never been there.
But I can be there now,
for you.
I will stay by your side,
let you cry.
I will stay up all night,
let you talk.
And I will stay with you,
let you heal.

I may not understand, but I’ll be there.
I’ll always be there.

I shouldn’t be mad
that they didn’t invite me.
They’re allowed to do things without me.

I shouldn’t be hurt
that they’re talking right over me.
They’re allowed to have conversations around me.

I shouldn’t feel bad
that they aren’t including me.
They’re allowed to not want me.

I’m not upset.
I’m not.
I’m not disappointed,
I’m not.
I’m not sad.
I’m not.
What I am
is scared.
Conflicted.
And left wishing
that I still had
the one person
who would know
what to do
who would be there
by my side
through all of this.
I don’t care.
I don’t.
I just need to
talk to you.
I need you here.