I moved my bed today
to another corner of
the room and as it went
a small business card
was revealed and
written on it was
"Nolan Fillman has an appointment with
Eric Schlanger, L.C.S.W.,
Tues, 11-22-11 at 5:00 P.M."
And I remembered what I did that day.
I talked to Eric about my life
about how I wanted to **** myself
and about how my grades were
slipping and about how alcohol
tasted better when I was drunk and
about how I hated myself.
He told me that he was my friend.
And that I could call him
instead of killing myself
or getting drunk.

And later that night I did.
When my father yelled at
me about my
grades
I called Eric and told him I felt
like drinking and
that I hated my father.
He talked to me.
I can't remember about what.
I think it was about a trip
he took to
Spain the
summer before.
He and his wife had spent two weeks there
and they ate good food
and met good people.
I slept well that night.

And I want to call Eric Schlanger, L.C.S.W. right now.
I want to call him and have him tell me about Spain.
His number is written on the card right under where
it says TELEPHONE.
And I remember where his office is.
On Spring Street, Suite C2.

But I have to give 24 hours notice to avoid a late cancellation fee.
And it's been eleven months.

for your thoughts
for your wishes
for our distance
for your kisses
for clichés
for the comfort
for 365 days
for many more
for silly honesty
for seasons slipping by
a dozen, bright red roses
for a love that keeps us
high

When I looked into the crystal ball
hoping to see my future
I saw only my face, twisted and swirled out of proportion.
And at first I thought maybe it's not the right kind of crystal
or maybe there is no way to see the future
but then I thought maybe there is.
Maybe I did see the future.
And I'm just too scared to realize it.

Last night,
I lost myself.
I became twisted and swirled.
As the smoke came out of my lungs so did my convictions.

As the hash burned gently in the hookah
the snow fell gently from the sky.
As the laughter poured heavily from our hearts,
the general disbelief fell heavily from our heads.

And as I looked into the crystal ball,
I laughed.
I knew the ball was really like water,
always changing, always shifting.
And just like water, it refracts light in strange ways.

Just  by the method in which you breath
you create a sort of paradise for me to live in.
You're just my kind of man,
you're a stand up kind of guy.
Now yell at me until my eyes bleed
and stare at me until my ears pop.

Breath life into this breathless song
and breed the love until it is of pure blood.
God knows I'm bad with habits.
They pile up and I can't properly feed them.
So try to be cool.

It's funny how last Sunday, I had a full pack of cigarettes.
Now, I have a nothing but the entire Joyce Manor discography .
And a horrendous headache.

I'm the only one who could ever have any fun
but that was only when I was with you.

So be cool.

I would try to write something good
but I've been using **** all day
and my dopamine levels are suicide victim low
just as the amount of cigarettes in this pack is low
just as the amount of money in my wallet is low
just as I am low.

Bursting taps
Like broken feet
Crack,
Droning a beat.
Exclamations and hearts.

Facebook Frankenstein:
Nerves made senseless,
By hyperbolic sentiments.
Stripped as wires,
Latex skin and a rib removed,
Bringing the heart close to the keys.

Orchestrated wires and pulleys
Raising muscles like curtains.
Brushing ***** bleached hair,
Catching fingers like paper cuts.

A hollow form,
Designed in California,
Approved in New Jersey,
And made in some sweat shop.

Flash your smile,
Take your soma,
Dream of MTV;
You're the nightmare of my society.