You can learn a lot
about a butterfly,
by it's cocoon

And you once told me,
that it's okay to take shelter,
and that you would follow me anywhere,
if that's what I wanted.
But that isn't what this is about.

On the topic,
of adolescence,
and maturity
I believe there is little room
for growth,
when things are going well.

Ironic,
that the times
when we want to erase ourselves from the world,
teach us the most
about who we really are.

I used to scribble your name,
and erase it on a page,
over and over
like it would make me forget,
how it felt to feel your hands on my cheek,
but that's not what this is about.

Pushed myself,
to the edge of destruction,
like a test
of how it felt,
to have nothing left.

And in that moment,
I became painfully aware,
that I had everything,
but was too blinded by self-loathing
to see it.

Self-awareness comes
with a lot of pain,
but opens the doors,
to a lot of happiness.
*and that's what this is about

Virginities, well
we could have waited longer
guess we were just bored

2. Loving you softly,
Two years seems awful short now
Gave it all away

3. Wine coolers and shots
drunk kisses and some *******
needy rebounding

4. Told each other secrets,
friendship turned to more, quickly,
then back to sadness

Salted words cut with bad intentions,
snorted off the childhood coffee table,
that held more shot glasses,
than black brimming mugs.

****** you up a little,
to peer small eyes over the counter,
daddy passed out
on the kitchen floor.

cigarette stained shirts,
and ***** filled mason jars
tucked beneath lace and cotton
so mommy won't worry,
the habit is in your blood.

Didn't even know that daddy liked
two lines of blow
with his coffee every morning,
****** you up a little, huh?

I'm not one to dwell,
but wait,
yes I am.

Six years since I last saw
your ugly, drunken face
that everyone said
looked so much like mine
'the spittin image'

Shattered glass on tile floors,
from shaky hands after too much Kessler,
Pained stomach,
Heaving into plastic or metal or porcelain
to spill the burdens
of a troubled childhood.
Might ******* up a little

Rolling words, like ***** tires
asphalt slabs, wasted hours,
Nights alone, feels like home,
you were never very good to me.

Broken plastic, phony dreams
pipe tabacco, cracking seams,
slower step, promise kept,
you were always my summertime.

Sparks have faded, ashes cold
gates left open, secrets told
too late to talk, let's just walk
things are easier once I get high.

Wait for winter, wait for rain
or fall forever, ease the pain
too many ropes, it's all a joke
you broke my ******* heart though.

Pull together, shrug the want
friends don't know, friends still taunt
you will break me, you won't save me
No one knows how many times I've tried to die.

But it gets better, so they say,
when he held my hand things felt okay
people leave, hearts greave
I've never been so good with changes

Skys are bluer, my heart is sad
you're doing good, and I am glad
but it hurts to know, you're glad to go
*Like you forgot we promised forever

I breathe you in like dry air,
exhale your memory,
so soft, so light,
it glides off my lips like last summers
flavored tobacco,
I miss the way things used to be.
I have a sadness in my heart,
rotting away all traces of
what I once was,
I am erasing myself,
I believe.
living beneath the shadow,
of stale promises,
and old secrets
Regret pulls me deeper under these waves
every ******* day.
Sliding under barbed wire fences,
and looking out at
space,
I could of sworn,
I was invincible,
but I will have to find
new armor,
that will never smell as good,
as your cotton t-shirts,
and faded blue jeans.
*I am sorry if I hurt you,
but you will never know
how much you have hurt me

I remember,
how the beach felt
beneath our feet.
Arms wrapped around my waist,
as the tide carried our troubles
back into the sea.
Salty lips,
yearning to taste each other.
Crashing waves
soothing happy hearts.
Now the beach is bleak,
and I am afraid
that I will keep my promise,
of loving you forever

Your scent has left my skin,
for good
My hips have aligned others,
better than you ever were
But that doesn't change,
how much I still need you
when the sun goes down.
You are my desert,
the place I found comfort,
even though you scorched my skin.
I still don't know,
If I will find another place,
I love
as much as I loved your cactus flowered torso,
your red rock skin,
the way you warmed me,
through my icy insecurities.
I have loved you for too many years,
through too many mistakes,
through too many dust storms,
and my heart is chained to your desert sunrise,
but the sun has already set,
for good,
maybe.