Noelle

Noelle Jul 2014

pyramid

I drove for two hours to try to get you out of my head. I'm no good at this. Words can't convey the way I look at you, and I hope you notice. You notice the sly smile I have on my face after I say something dumb and bury my face in your chest. Please never stop taking the blanket away in the morning when I hide my face.

You've been stuck in my head but I don't want to forget you. I look forward to you reminding me that I'm almost off work. You've thought about it for a while. Please never stop ending your texts with smiley faces. I think you're the best.

Now I know a lot and I'm sorry I forget things, like the conversations we've had or the things you told me about because they excited you. I'm really paying attention honest, it's just hard to remember when I look at the way you wrinkle your eyebrows, and look down at your feet. **** hasn't been the best for you, I doubt I would find anyone with more life in them. You're still so enchanted with everything.

I wouldn't want to spend my time with anyone else because you're the only one who laughs at my puns, and how much I love certain things that have no meaning to anyone but me. For some reason you mean so much to me lately. I can't fall asleep, I think it's because I don't feel you against me while I sleep.

Noelle Jun 2014

everything is embarrassing

I find it really silly, that you would want to spend time with me.
But I'm not complaining. I'll take all the attention I can get from someone like you.

This is the best I can do to put into words how I feel, I'm not even sure I want to admit it. I couldn't get a good nights sleep until the night we passed out on the floor of dad's house and you told me I had the best grumpy face when the sun hit me the next morning. I just liked the way you ran your hands through your hair when you woke up.
Maybe you just like me for my **** cause it's your favorite pillow, but I guess we'll see.

Noelle Jan 2014

little wanderer

I want to show you my favorite things, and have you tell me they didn't live up to the expectations I wove for them. That I sold you the romance of the perfect movie and it didn't compare to my enthusiasm on the subject.
I want to trace the lines of muscle along your back as you snore into my pillow, leaving your scent embedded on the blankets.
My blankets.
There's false hope that rests on your shoulders, to keep yourself from sinking down into that depression you told me about. The one you say you can't help as you get quiet.
I want to show you my favorite band, and have you tell me that I sampled you the wrong song, and you would like to listen to a different one just so you can get a taste for what I love.
The sad truth is, that I love a lot of things, but you are not one of them.
And I have no control over my emotions but you're a little too late, and I can't help but feel sorry that you fell in love with someone like me.

Noelle Dec 2013

untitled

I love the way your name tastes in my mouth. Like how if I say it enough, that maybe you'll think I'm special, if I say your name a few more times then maybe you'll see something you didn't before.
But you're a right *******, and I don't feel bad for you.
Except I do.
Somehow, you always make me feel the need to nurture you. And that is an unhealthy habit.
There is another boy, who tells me nice things, and has common interests. But I don't look at him like I look at you. You could tell me you hated me, and I would tell you all the things you should hate me for. I have so many pent up feelings, because I don't feel like I have a right to express them. I have so many things I want to tell you but feel they would wash off your back. I'm so torn between coming off as a ***** and having a clean slate or drowning under all the I love you's I didn't get to say.
I'm an infinite mess of emotions and I will fall in love with you if you tell me nice things.

Noelle Dec 2013

-

Sometimes I'm sad and I want to die, and sometimes my heart feels so heavy I'm afraid it'll turn to stone.
Yet when I look at you, my stomach sheds the butterflies it housed inside, and I feel not so afraid.
I told you I felt bad for not mourning death, but I felt better when you said you felt the same.
I felt special, when you told me about your crush, but how it could never work,
because he's not like "us".
Us.
Like we are part of the same entity, part of the same space, of sinew and matter.
Us.
Like you thought I was special enough to be part of you.
That was the greatest thing you could have said to me, except that one time, when you told me;
"I could love someone like you."

Noelle Sep 2013

Untitled

Every time I look at you I wonder how things could have been. Just out of curiosity. I have no resentment or hate or malice when I think of you. I only wonder what would have happened if things didn't **** up.
You meant so much to me in such a short amount of time and yet I let you go so easily, so pain free.
I've never wondered more how things could have gone. We seemed so perfect and yet we were completely different.
Everything you told me you hated, everything you swore you wouldn't be, you have become. I wish I could make you look at yourself. I want to save you from who you've become. That's not my job though. I don't want to look after someone who lied to me, made me feel like **** for trying to be happy.
Not everyone can be perfect like you. I told you how I was, you expected so much of me. I told you what I believed in, what made me who I am.
You threw it back in my face.
I can't trust you, I can't be around you. I get so sad to hear your name. You've destroyed a part of who I was. You took something from me I can never get back.
Maybe I'm a fool for trusting you, but you made it so easy.
I can't hate you. I can only hate what you made me think was you.

Noelle Sep 2013

Untitled

My bones moan and creak. They tangle themselves within my grief.

I thought I understood who I was, I thought I knew why I was sad. I am stricken by my own actions. A deep haze replaces my soul, like an everlasting ooze. I am consumed. Tar flows through my veins. It weighs me down, drowns me in an untimely death.

I run, and hide. I would much rather chew my own leg off than face my problems. Refusal, denial. I do not dare get emotional.

I harbor a secret that is scarred in flesh, down to bone and it has burrowed into my heart.

— The End —