The higher
you are,
the more
hurt you’ll
endure.
Plunge from
elation,
you’ll pay
the price.

My heart thudded,
my body rumbled
an internal earthquake,
an explosion of fireworks,
just at the thought
of seeing you.

I imagined conversations
we might have:
I imagined you
hating me...
I imagined you
engaging me...
I imagined you
wanting me...
I imagined you
abandoning me...
I imagined you
loving me...
...again.

I never did see you,
but I wanted to.
Am I still in your thoughts too?

Four blocks east and two blocks south,
The man with the tophat tips his cap.
No, no, five blocks west and carry on north,
The young woman curtseys and nods.
You’re doing it all wrong.  Thataway,
The lad in a crisp suit points with confidence.
Take the underground far east, it’s faster,
The butcher mumbles as he serves his customers,
It’s a long, long walk, do you have good shoes?
The mother pushing her stroller remarks.
It’s a cinch.  You’re almost there,
The man on his morning jog assures.

And so I carry on,
this way and that
around the town,
untIl I find myself
back at
the intersection of
indecision.

I chop
the carrots,
dice the onions,
and fold the
laundry as if
all those years
of your hovering
don’t really matter,
but my insides
scream at you.

Stay away! Don’t get near me, don’t you dare look
in my direction.  I will avert my view, thinking sin into your soul.

Stay away! You *****.  Contagions, toxins seeping out of
your pores.  You say no, I don’t see them, but I know.

Stay away!  You monster.  You murderer.  You show
your lawlessness on your sleeve, free for all to see.

Stay away!  You cleared your throat!  An atrocity, the newest
crime in the penal code.  Congratulations, you are now a felon.

Stay away!  There is no such thing as normalcy.  All those times
you ventured into our world with a cold, you were forgiven, pardoned.

Stay away! But now the rules flipped upside down.  Conform, obey,
bow out of deference, or else you will be tweeted about, social media shamed.

Stay away!  Is this really how we want to live, creating strangers
out of neighbors, spawning judgment out of regularity?

Stay away!  And now I am marked, green lighted, your newest
bashing target.

Berries, bursting brilliantly with color, nature’s
perfect package, miniature, refreshing, oh so sweet,
staining away the grey, breathing life into the mundane.

Soaps, fancy shapes exploding with hidden gems, a gourmet feast
for the eyes and senses, ice cream for the skin,
nourishing the wounds of routine, soothing emotional pangs.

Essential oils, aromas wafting, bringing cheer and warmth
throughout the house.  Just a touch, merely a few drops, invisible
yet calming, nurturing.  Precisely like love.

My treasures may not hide behind large gates, protected
by a price tag, a dream but for a few, ostentatious,
dazzling, commanding oohs and aahs.

But my abundances light me up.  I glow amongst the stars.
A cherry on top, the icing on the cake,
an ambiance of royalty, these small luxuries create.

Yours words, your attention,
your attractiveness, your stature.
Charismatic, alluring, yet callous,
calculated, barbarous.  Unforgiving.
Poison wrapped in shiny gold.

Too many times I have succumbed
to your captivating spell, voluntarily
imbibing the intoxicant, your bewitchery.
Now gulping down my own elixir,
anger pumping through my veins.

Fury.  Rage.  Passion.  Insulated,
suited up, armored, ready for impact
as I stand brave behind my shield of
antipathy, the only reliable tool in my arsenal
to combat your charming ways.

Your attempts, your tries to infuse
yourself back into my heart, thwarted.
My indignation keeps me strong
until the mere sight of you
induces a ***** in my my armor.
I fall into your arms.