I distract myself with certain memories
Of imperfect ages where I could have belonged.
I hum to myself melodies that do not exist to some
But exist in my mind and my hearts songs.

It sings songs of life where I am not a grain of sand
But a radiant beauty, bright like the sun.
A woman who can run through the wild
Without shame, without the nakedness
That comes from all her wrongs.

If I could sleep and always wake up to this dream,
Wouldn’t that be fun?

I cannot breathe my dreams into life
But I can continue to think and write.
Too many mistakes haunt me.
Too many expectations, daunting.
But I can continue to think and write.

For now, that will do.
Till sleep comes, that will do.

Your hands easy
weight, teasing the bees
hived in my hair, your smile at the
***** of my cheek. On the
occasion, you press
above me, glowing, spouting
readiness, mystery rapes
my reason

When you have withdrawn
your self and the magic, when
only the smell of your
love lingers between
my *******, then, only
then, can I greedily consume
your presence.

Fallen angels
drop from the sky.
Fallen angels mar
the earth with evil
In their eyes.

Human suffering,
eternal greed.
Life’s ending,
laboured breathing.

Fallen angels drop
from the sky.
Fallen angels
Seem white
But lie.
 
I see maroon
caricatures with
tight fists.
They are hell bent and
Insist, through impenetrable mists.

They emerge, unexpected and disastrous.
The world, stunned,
is unprepared for this madness.
 
Guns are blasted,
Knives do slashing.
Fallen angels have lasted
and rise even through ashes.
 
They persist and prevail,
whilst parents are covered in black veils.
They persist and prevail
As their minions hail
the sadness and
waltz in the  madness.
 
Battles have been won,
Heroes have been brave.
But monstrosities
Can never be erased.

Frozen in time
blood run cold
I'll be fine
when I melt like snow .

Withered roses rushed up on shore ,
petals in tact but a sickly brown.
Three unknown but one of yours
makes me cringe and turn around .

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Under all my hard wire
and metal exterior
lies a heart that beats.
And with this heart,
I breathe.