I wish we never met
Even if fate led us there.
I wish we never talked
Even if the words came easy.
I wish we let silence win
Even if the conversation pulled us in.
I wish we never saw the signs
Even if they glowed so bright.
I wish we never felt that spark
Even if it burned so right.

But everything happened
And still, I wish I could turn back time
Even if I would never know you at all.

I was just a little girl
Watching chaos unravel, helplessly
Confusion became a daily routine
Silence, my only defense
And I honed the art of observing pain.

Day by day
I saved up pieces of disappointment
Until the jar began to crack
Spilling exhaustion
Hardening into quiet rebellion
Sharpening into well-trained disgust.

We stopped looking, even beneath the bed
Where is the sorry we deserved?
Where is the responsibility you clung to so tightly?
Where is all the change you once promised?

But whatever
You're here, technically
And us?
We've mastered the art of needing nothing from you.

I know her
She has long black hair with soft waves
I know she loves her face now
it looks healthier.

She is smiling
More sincerely than yesterday
The weight has lifted
Because she finally let go of what she once held too tight.

I know her
The woman in my mirror
Has committed to living in peace
Happiness will be the bonus
And I love her more than yesterday
Even more so tomorrow than today.

I'm running
Trying to catch peace that never arrives
Hiding between shadows
So I don't have to remember

I'm running
Erasing footsteps in exhaustion
Convincing myself
That distance will make the pain smaller
But the farther I go
The more real it becomes

No one is chasing
Except the truth keeps waiting
That it wasn't you I left behind
It was me.

Then I stop
Let the heart hurt
Let the pain speak
I won't run anymore

I used to lie on a bicep
Wrapped in the natural scent of skin

Turns out a pillow isn't that bad
While a blanket is definitely the best comfort ever.

The day has come
A reward to be alive another day
Yet time keeps shrinking.

Cake and candles no longer excite
Warmth, peace, and love
What matters most
They're all I truly seek.

In this moment
Let’s celebrate
For we never know
Maybe tomorrow will be taken away.
Happy birthday.

I'll enjoy these good moments
Quietly worrying about tomorrow
Quietly preparing myself
So if the pain finds its way back to me
I won't be completely broken.

What if, that day
You had told me what you wanted us to be?
What if you had spoken your truth
Let me in on your thoughts about us?
Maybe then,
I wouldn’t have walked away in anger.
Maybe then,
This silence wouldn’t feel so heavy.

I sip no more.
Not because I quit
Not because it's forbidden by the hands that raised me
Nor because I mind drinking alone.

Though the taste lingers in my mind
Warm, a fire that once danced down my throat
My feet unsteady, lost in search of the bathroom
'Cause the world spun in circles
Laying down became a brilliant escape
And eyes closed, sinking deeper into the aftertaste
Strangely, it all felt so good.

But no...
I sip no more.
The taste fades
Along with your existence.

Is it possible that one day,
you call my name by accident?
Is it possible, on a quiet night,
you miss me, even for a moment?

I used to be whole, then fell apart
Blended with feelings that weren’t mine.
But look! I’ve turned softer now
Warmer with every touch.

One day,
You'll meet someone
As kind as you are
But just as cruel, too.

O Lord
I lay it all before You
As I did yesterday

But this time
My eyes
Surely
Remain open.

The heaviest weight
A heart can bear.

Or perhaps,
A path God carves
For kindness to step in.

Apperantly
Home isn't enough
You need to know how to care
A commitment to stay
To keep choosing the way back
Not just when it's easy
Unless
You'll get lost
And destroy what was meant to last.

Aku terdiam
Di balik suara yang terus menggema
Mengeja tanya
Yang tak lahir dari mata mereka.

Kupungut satu per satu kebingungan
Yang tak pernah diminta
Sambil menyelipkan rasa kesal
Di antara hela napas.

Tak ada telinga
Hanya dinding yang berdiri tegak
Menampung gema tanpa makna.

Dan ternyata
Lelah juga
Menjadi penjaga sunyi
Yang mereka sebut guru.

If forgetting were easy
I wouldn’t be here
Rewriting the same pain
With the same tired hand
As if one more line
Could erase you from my mind

let
me
breathe
easily.

I love it here
Where the shore meets the endless blue
My eyes linger on your beauty
My ear surrenders to the whisper of your waves
My heart drifts, waiting
When will you call me back?

But wait,
Are you the sea?
Or the love I cannot name?

I thought I was done.
But the waves returned
crashing against the rock
the innocent one.

I stayed quiet
though I knew I should leave.
Linger too long
and I’ll be drawn under
slowly unraveled
undone.

Yet beauty is a soft betrayal
the hush between each wave
the silk of sand beneath my feet
they promise peace
even as they pull me deeper.

And so, I stay.
Let the sea claim me
roll me into its quiet dark
until I am no longer seen
then gone.
And done.

Trust me
Or maybe don’t.

He will love you,
Cook you a meal laced with warmth
Wrap you in the kindest embrace
Call you his queen
His sweetest love.
And soon, you’ll believe
He is the one.

But love,
There is a shadow trailing him.
Perhaps he loves you
But he also loves the thrill
The rush of fleeting hands
Whispers not yet familiar
Sparks I never knew.

He says,
"I never meant to hurt anyone."
Yet somehow
He always does.

I need to hold you close
to wrap you in my warmth,
to color your world in golden hues,
to fill the quiet spaces in your soul,
to whisper, I'll always be here.

I no longer think
Those beautiful words
Were written for me
I've been replaced
And that's alright.
As it should be.

Everyone who comes
Will eventually go
Replaced by better ones
As they should be.

But memories stay memories
Unchanged by time
Who knows what tomorrow holds?
Maybe they’ll play again
Or fade away.
As they should be.

This conversation
Leads me to a realization
That I never truly knew you.
And somehow, it's delightful
Learning you slowly
Like we once did.

This closeness
Leads me to a realization
That the feeling still lingers
No longer the same, yet softly familiar
And somehow, it's delightful
To know it's you
The one I still hold dear.

This writing
Leads me to no certain place
And that's alright
And somehow, it's delightful
To spill my heart
For the same soul
From a time long gone.

how dare you
have the audacity to face me
with a thousand excuses
and that wide, careless smile
as if nothing ever happened
as if no one ever knew
*******.

We never know
The story of tomorrow

If the storm is coming
Please give me a sign
At least a drizzle

'Cause now I'm afraid
The night might hold me tight
Too tight
Again.