yāsha

yāsha Jul 2016

nonsense

Sometimes I want to ran away
to a place where the only name I know
is mine.

This two-syllable name
that rings nothing
but emptiness.

For I am like a glass--
I only let people see through me
because I am terrified
of them getting deeper to my soul.

A soul tapestried
with confusion and migraine--
for I am only an ache in the head
when you try to understand me.

this poem is trash just like me

yāsha Jul 2016

Unboxing the Past

of how I loved you
was like trying to remember a dream
as soon as I awake--
everything was swirling
in a blur,
but the feeling of
the way I loved you
was still there.
Fainted:
but the numbers
of its weight
were etched
on the walls of my heart still.

yāsha Jul 2016

The Dream

felt real
for I went near the mentor
I have always loved dearly
for we were allowed to ask any questions;
the line intensified and then it was my turn,
the clock was a ticking bomb to my heart attack--
I was panicking, thinking of a question to ask
then suddenly these words poured out,
"Ma'am, is it okay if I fall in love again?"
My mentor just looked at me,
and shrugged her shoulders with
a sigh of irritation.

Maybe it was a sign
that I was still
not
ready,
to fall in love
again.

I make it a habit to jot down my dreams as soon as I awake. Here is one.

yāsha Jul 2016

Noise in my head

I heard you were back in town
and my lips stretched from west to east--
I had no idea why
but there was a faint feeling
that I was happy to hear about you again:
that my lips went the opposite sides,
they could not help but smile.

At last,
I thought.
This was the first time
in years
that I heard about you
from someone else--
someone else
that was not me.

yāsha Jul 2016

Blockhead

Maybe I choose to stay awake
so my mind will be blocked
with exhausting headaches--
too painful to even try and think--
then I will easily drift away to sleep.
To never let your name
be the last thought when
I shut my eyes keep.

yāsha Jul 2016

Consumed by Transparency

This evasive past
has become a fog within me—
it does not affect
my soul that much anymore,
but it blurs my vision;
looking ahead appears
to be only a threatening temptation,
and reaching my future
seems to be only a just reverie.
I did not know I was trapped
in these walls of glasses,
maybe people built this around me
so I could blame myself after.
I have taken million of attempts
to call upon the name
that was bruised on my lips,
but not even a break within his voice
vibrated through these ears.
Now I understand,
     why these consequences
     are scattered at my feet—
Now I know,
     why everything was so far away
     within my reach.

yāsha Jul 2016

Unravel Me

(April 18, 2014)*

I want to eat the whole sky,

because I am desperate to be happy.

I want to fill my self with it.

I want it in me.

I want to be the sky.