Its like a private battle
Going on inside my head
My mind says, “Use the razor.”
My heart says, “Live instead.” Its like a little warzone
And I’m standing in the battlefield.
The scales could tip either way
And to the darkness I yield.
I keep this secret locked within me
But it escapes in a crimson tide.
Soon everyone will know
That once again, I’ve lied.
I try to control the urges
But sometimes I crave release
And I know deep inside
That my blade will bring me peace
On the nights that I don’t lie awake
Dreaming of far better things
Than cutting myself and watching it bleed
I’m quietly reminiscing
The good old days
Where the need to bleed
Didn’t exist an an option
Because I could grieve.
But the tears don’t come anymore
And its red blood I cry
And now I fight off ugly thoughts
About different ways I could die.
Sometimes I ask myself “Why?”
As the knife rests on my wrist
Such a temptation to take my life
And yet I still resist
I know I’ve got things to live for
Like myself and my friends
But each day I face the fact
That few people understand
What its like to walk in my shoes
To be a self-harmer
To make these marks on my skin
And to think thoughts far darker
Than any person really should
But I wake up each day
I think maybe its time to break this habit
Although it seems so far away.
Each day brings me new pains
And also something new
A chance to leave my past behind
And color my world something other than red.
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 11:26 PM UTC
Its like a private battle
Going on inside my head
My mind says, “Use the razor.”
My heart says, “Live instead.” Its like a little warzone
And I’m standing in the battlefield.
The scales could tip either way
And to the darkness I yield.
I keep this secret locked within me
But it escapes in a crimson tide.
Soon everyone will know
That once again, I’ve lied.
I try to control the urges
But sometimes I crave release
And I know deep inside
That my blade will bring me peace
On the nights that I don’t lie awake
Dreaming of far better things
Than cutting myself and watching it bleed
I’m quietly reminiscing
The good old days
Where the need to bleed
Didn’t exist an an option
Because I could grieve.
But the tears don’t come anymore
And its red blood I cry
And now I fight off ugly thoughts
About different ways I could die.
Sometimes I ask myself “Why?”
As the knife rests on my wrist
Such a temptation to take my life
And yet I still resist
I know I’ve got things to live for
Like myself and my friends
But each day I face the fact
That few people understand
What its like to walk in my shoes
To be a self-harmer
To make these marks on my skin
And to think thoughts far darker
Than any person really should
But I wake up each day
I think maybe its time to break this habit
Although it seems so far away.
Each day brings me new pains
And also something new
A chance to leave my past behind
And color my world something other than red.
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