Do I Dare?

em-a Poems

Do I dare? Do I dare shatter how you portray me? Crack the mirror Breaking how you know me to pieces, Breaking how you think you know me to pieces. Do I dare drown you in my pain? The pain of past losses The pain of past friends Successfully attempting their suicidal deaths Do I dare tell you the truth? The truth about who I am The fact that I pretend Put on a counterfeit smile and pretend everything’s okay. Do I dare say who I truly am? That I’m asexual With continuous social anxiety Never really sure what to do around people. Do I dare show my social anxiety? Pretend everything’s okay when I’m scared inside Show you how fragile I am Show you how shattered I already am. Do I dare break this facadé I created? Fracturing everything I’ve worked so hard to create Just to show my true emotions, how I really feel And to be laughed at by my peers Do I dare take a chance? To put myself out there To care about someone Just to have them push me aside into my growing darkness Do I dare care for anyone? Because the last time this happened I couldn’t save them They died on my watch And I had to stand by, left here with the aftermath wondering what I could’ve done Do I dare share my feelings, emotions? Attach myself to another When I feel that everyone I care about Just leaves me in the end, one way or another Do I dare care about life anymore? It’s already wasted on me, a corpse of a being Already half eaten, wasting away To the point where I feel that keeping it short is best Do I dare tell my friends? How I truly feel How I hate myself for my past Not being able to help anyone Do I dare be happy? “Frolick in the flowers” is what they’ve told me “Just release your sadness” Yet you don’t know me nor have you ever spoken to me before now Do I dare yell back at you? Tell you how you’re wrong How I’ll never change How I am who I am. Do I dare love who I am? Yes. With all my insecurities and faults I will always make mistakes But it’s how I overcome them. Do I dare stand up for myself? For others? I will always try my best Even though some people need space or push me down I feel that I need to find courage in my broken, bandaged heart Do I dare speak my mind? Show my true colors? I’m not sure, nor will I ever be sure Yet I know that my true friends, The ones that helped bandage my heart The ones that helped repair my shattered self Will always let me be who I am Thanks to all who have let me be me But the question still stands Do I Dare?