When I was young
You were my entire world
You built me up
And gave me confidence I never knew I had
Even when you began cracking under the pressure
You stayed strong for me
Guiding me
And showing me that I could find strength in anything
The more I grew up
The more that image of you began to fade
Small scratches turned into small cracks
Until the glass began to shatter entirely
Other people never made it easy for you
Breaking you down
Until nothing was left but the hope that one day,
One day it would get better
I watched your world fall apart in front of you
Almost like the Black Plague
Everything was dying around you
And you were convinced it was because you touched it
Tell me that you'll be okay
Because without you, I am nothing
I depend on you for my happiness
But I know that I shouldn't
So, I started looking for happiness in others
Until I found out that their smiles were fake
Their friendship was fake
Everything was fake
So ... I started walking alone
Who needs three musketeers
When I can trust only one
And even that one I'm suspicious of
You were my entire world
But when that world came crashing down
I wasn't strong enough to build one
With you still in it
So ... dear self
It's been a long time without you
But I still have hope that one day
You'll return home
May 6, 2020
May 6, 2020 at 3:51 PM UTC
Why ...
Why is it that I wake up
And can already hear you arguing
Your voices implanted in my mind
Where no one else can listen
You control me
But I like to think you don't complete me
Because if you did
I'd be aggressive, mean, and everything I don't want to be
So I have to ask
Since I'm the only one that can see you
That can hear you
Why do you destroy me?
Your words affect me
You tell me how to dress
How to walk
How to talk
How to live
But I don't know if I'd call this living
Being stuck in my head,
You must not consider yourselves living either
Yet you have all the power
One day, you'll be in harmony
Rather than at war
One day we'll be a family
I just hope it's before you **** me
Dec 7, 2019
Dec 7, 2019 at 4:37 PM UTC
I can't breathe
The silence is suffocating
But no one is coming to my rescue
I'm left with myself
But when I look in a mirror
All I see are demons
I talk to myself
To create noise, any noise
That can drown out the voices in my head
For if I hear them
I might just do what they ask
And be out to sleep
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 11:17 PM UTC
Late nights
Where I'm most productive
Where my mind comes up
With new ideas
Late nights
Where my mind runs free
Where my imagination take precedence
To create things I never thought I could
Late nights
Where the lights from my room
Turn into dark shadows
When the lights goes out
Late nights
Where I can't sleep
The insomnia turning shadows
Into monsters
Late nights
Where my night terrors feel like reality
Where the sweating never stops
And the fear never sleeps
Late nights
Where my brain is so tired
That it contemplates the craziest things
The deadliest things
Late nights
Creativity turned to Horror
Imagination turned to Monsters
Light turned to Darkness
Feb 9, 2019
Feb 9, 2019 at 3:12 AM UTC
"Is this really how you want to present yourself?"
I know I'm fat
I know the clothes are clinging to my body rolls
I know I have a muffin top
I know that I have to shop in the "big" section
Because my body was never good enough
And in those rare moments when it was enough for me
Someone would make my confidence
Crash to the ground
Even if I like the clothes
Even if I like shape
My body will always fail for being
"too big"
If I stop eating, will it be enough?
If I go to the gym until I faint, will it be enough?
If you can see my ribs, will it be enough?
When will I be enough for you ...
Mom
Jan 19, 2019
Jan 19, 2019 at 8:25 PM UTC
I'm trapped in a corner
Confronted on all sides
I don't even try to leave
I just let them eat me alive
My demons
Too many for this small mind
Making my brain black
And leaving myself behind
I've been squashed
I've been killed
I've been left by all my loved ones
But still
Living is more painful than dying
Yet I want to live
Jan 11, 2019
Jan 11, 2019 at 4:32 PM UTC
I'm told it takes less muscles to smile
Yet I frown more
I have friends that want to hang out
Yet I stay in my room
The sun shines outside
Yet I hide in my shadows
I was born to live
Yet I long to die
Dec 27, 2018
Dec 27, 2018 at 9:43 PM UTC
You feel like you've lost me
That I'm someone new
But I've always been this way
Just hiding from you
I was told I was a freak
That no one was like me
But that's when I found and became part of
the LGBT
Dec 2, 2018
Dec 2, 2018 at 11:52 AM UTC
I'm isolated
I'm lonely
I'm lost
I'm gone
I don't know when I'll be back
But something tells me
That until I see something but black
I'll never be free
So here I wait
For someone to save me
Taking love as bait
That ends up being deadly
I'm isolated, lonely
Lost, gone
I don't see anything for me
You won't see me until your dawn
Nov 13, 2018
Nov 13, 2018 at 2:35 PM UTC
I haven't slept in days
Trying to figure out why
I have a monster living in my head
Telling me sweet lullabies
Of how I'm not good enough
How I'm not who I want to be
How I'm a failure
I haven't been able to sleep
Relax
Have a moment of peace to myself
Without the monster screaming and screaming
This monster isn't new
I say hello to them every day
I say goodnight to them every night
Before they keep me awake with their yelling and disapproval
I haven't slept in days
Because my brain
Is a monster
Nov 12, 2018
Nov 12, 2018 at 10:49 PM UTC