Are There Embers in my Lungs?

katherine-behrends Poems

I remember, When I was young I was a princess- Not in the conventional sense However. I wanted to grow up And become- Not royalty- Especially not The Queen. No, what I wanted to be Was the vicious and coldblooded Dragon That can destroy everything Without worrying About someone greater And fiercer coming along To stop me. Even if You just went back 5 years You would clearly Be able to observe That I was a fawn- Still just a little princess. Who can say when This drastic transformation Transpired? I must have started sleeping With my limbs dangling hazardously Over the edge of the bed Near the void- Because I know well enough Something profane did Creep up from the darkness Into me- And now there is No Going back. I mounted These vapors And took to the atmosphere. I soared Up And up And up Until my problems Were no longer my problems And I ceased loving. You’d better believe that I am Gulping these flames And these infernos Are, in fact, Licking away at my insides. I am a great serpent Borne from something unholy- Guarding my heart In a haze of smoke. There was surely a time When I was light And morality But Somewhere along the way, I stopped caring Took in the dark And the fire To fuel my own desires. But evidently, I am not the merciless drake I so anticipated becoming. Because just the other day I was terror and dread- And today I feel no larger Than a teacup. Here I was, Deluding myself Into thinking That I am a fireball Capable of extinguishing cities. When lately, Every night I contract into myself Fighting to keep warmth In my heart Before I freeze solid again Because they tell you To light a fire within yourself In order to keep warm But They never tell you That sometimes It can scorch pits into your ribcage.