What am I doing again?

nicholas-c Poems

Languid restless I don’t even know anymore I don’t have anything to say nothing real nothing fictional Plagued today a lack of passion no inspiration to be had stuck in vapid complacency I haven’t chosen not to feel Anything at this given moment would be salvation from banal doldrum I’ve slipped fell into pacificity Observer at best always just a passing wayfarer part of the scenery running a facade a mask of my own image sure I see myself in the mirror but Who Is That? Trapped by the singular perspective that is consciousness I have no idea what anyone feels What another’s notion of me is other than myself and even then I’m not so sure. Does anyone ever give me a thought? Who am I? an Artist a poet a hiker a biker a walker at night a friend a son a brother An acquaintance that guy hey you a fool a loser lost selfish lonely insecure Maybe? but who defines me myself or others Does it even matter what I think if I’m really not the judge but then again how will anyone see what I am if I don’t know Is there even a place for me? Where am I going? what am I doing? Will I ever make a difference? Will I ever carve a niche? will I ever be remembered? will anyone ever think of me? Who will think of me? how will they define me? who knows? I sure as hell don’t.