I hate myself for it,
I hate myself for it,
I hate myself for it.
I know its right
and good.
Good for right now.
Maybe forever if I keep
Pretending.
I look you in the eyes
And tell you "I love you" back
But it eats at my soul
At my heart
At my morals
Because how could I not love your
Adaptability,
Effort,
Care,
Purity,
Touch.
I hate myself for it.
Because there’s a shape in my heart
That does not fit you
But it perfectly aligns with him.
I know its him,
I feel it.
But he doesn’t adapt,
Try,
Care,
Or have the same purity imprinted
onto his finger pads when he touches me.
So how could I leave you,
For someone else I’m so sure about,
When he’s not sure of me.
So I will stay.
I will build this home.
Throw the hammer against every *****
Hang the paintings crooked,
Keep the house clean,
Keep my "husband" happy,
And keep a quiet home.
Make myself love you.
Because it is right and just.
And who am I to ruin your “good”,
I’ll hate myself more if this house crumbles
Above your head.
And if the vicinity you once “loved” me in
is now full of debris.
- Paperlungs
May 7
May 7, 2026 at 1:39 AM UTC
I hate myself for it,
I hate myself for it,
I hate myself for it.
I know its right
and good.
Good for right now.
Maybe forever if I keep
Pretending.
I look you in the eyes
And tell you "I love you" back
But it eats at my soul
At my heart
At my morals
Because how could I not love your
Adaptability,
Effort,
Care,
Purity,
Touch.
I hate myself for it.
Because there’s a shape in my heart
That does not fit you
But it perfectly aligns with him.
I know its him,
I feel it.
But he doesn’t adapt,
Try,
Care,
Or have the same purity imprinted
onto his finger pads when he touches me.
So how could I leave you,
For someone else I’m so sure about,
When he’s not sure of me.
So I will stay.
I will build this home.
Throw the hammer against every *****
Hang the paintings crooked,
Keep the house clean,
Keep my "husband" happy,
And keep a quiet home.
Make myself love you.
Because it is right and just.
And who am I to ruin your “good”,
I’ll hate myself more if this house crumbles
Above your head.
And if the vicinity you once “loved” me in
is now full of debris.
- Paperlungs
This is my first time writing in years. This specific style is just how it flows out of me, so my apologies if it's not perfect!