everyday more or less, deep pain rests inside my chest; there are thoughts imagined-though not explored; existence is insatiable appetites that can't be cured;
always coming back-wanting more; seconds, thirds, and fourths; and there are wounds that gauze won't heal; my corpse just feels like-pain on wheels;
like aches that briefly go away- returned as if they're here to stay; this vessel wanting things that might as well be millions miles away; split in two-a double life in theory in so many ways....
a part of me that wants to go.... a part of me that wants to stay.... "living" for another day; a part of me that wants to isolate.... a part of me that wants rare affection from a "familiar" yet "unfamiliar" space....
i want to "feel"- i want to "numb"; i can not deal- i live to "run"; i've torn the scripts-i understand just how they've felt-the one's who've "jumped the ship" themselves;
no doctor, therapist, medicine- could aid what's natural-to "cure" what's raw; to need.... to want....but if even had- pit has no bottom- that's what is sad....
i want to leave and not turn back- untraced- a "ghost"- on no one's slab; people like to say,"you think you've got it bad...." the "volume" of my "life" is dim to mid-mid to dim; it feels like cruel and unusual punishment to exist where ever "here" is....
i "dream" of leaving this torture- it's like my soul's in pain- and i've been seeking what this "earthly realm" can not give....but wants to keep me captive in a monetary cage; a welcome that i've overstayed....
im locked inside.... and i want out.... i have to find another way....
Apr 19
Apr 19, 2026 at 4:14 AM UTC
everyday more or less, deep pain rests inside my chest; there are thoughts imagined-though not explored; existence is insatiable appetites that can't be cured;
always coming back-wanting more; seconds, thirds, and fourths; and there are wounds that gauze won't heal; my corpse just feels like-pain on wheels;
like aches that briefly go away- returned as if they're here to stay; this vessel wanting things that might as well be millions miles away; split in two-a double life in theory in so many ways....
a part of me that wants to go.... a part of me that wants to stay.... "living" for another day; a part of me that wants to isolate.... a part of me that wants rare affection from a "familiar" yet "unfamiliar" space....
i want to "feel"- i want to "numb"; i can not deal- i live to "run"; i've torn the scripts-i understand just how they've felt-the one's who've "jumped the ship" themselves;
no doctor, therapist, medicine- could aid what's natural-to "cure" what's raw; to need.... to want....but if even had- pit has no bottom- that's what is sad....
i want to leave and not turn back- untraced- a "ghost"- on no one's slab; people like to say,"you think you've got it bad...." the "volume" of my "life" is dim to mid-mid to dim; it feels like cruel and unusual punishment to exist where ever "here" is....
i "dream" of leaving this torture- it's like my soul's in pain- and i've been seeking what this "earthly realm" can not give....but wants to keep me captive in a monetary cage; a welcome that i've overstayed....
im locked inside.... and i want out.... i have to find another way....
