A Christmas
disguised
as the 25th of December.
Today
the house is calm.
Too calm.
and I wonder if
I hear my own thoughts
or if I’m just imagining them.
I move in circles,
but the air stands still
like an unfinished sentence
waiting
to strike me hard.
Shouldn’t it
be a Merry Christmas?
Nothing is happening.
no knives are thrown at me,
no merciless stares,
and yet
my chest hurts
as if I’ve worked a whole day
at not existing
in a house
void of compassion.
it is quiet,
but there are days
when my hands tremble,
when a cup becomes shards,
when my tears
are considered defects.
it is quiet,
but there are days
when the silence
doesn’t look at me,
though I seek it constantly
and want to feel it
with all my soul.
it is quiet,
but there are days
when exhaustion
doesn’t become rest,
but an unspoken rule.
in a house
where I cannot exist,
I stay.
I breathe.
I do not disturb.
and maybe today is quiet.
and maybe that
is all I can do for myself today:
to remain whole
on a day
that asks for nothing
and yet
takes so much from me.
Dec 25, 2025
Dec 25, 2025 at 8:18 AM UTC
A Christmas
disguised
as the 25th of December.
Today
the house is calm.
Too calm.
and I wonder if
I hear my own thoughts
or if I’m just imagining them.
I move in circles,
but the air stands still
like an unfinished sentence
waiting
to strike me hard.
Shouldn’t it
be a Merry Christmas?
Nothing is happening.
no knives are thrown at me,
no merciless stares,
and yet
my chest hurts
as if I’ve worked a whole day
at not existing
in a house
void of compassion.
it is quiet,
but there are days
when my hands tremble,
when a cup becomes shards,
when my tears
are considered defects.
it is quiet,
but there are days
when the silence
doesn’t look at me,
though I seek it constantly
and want to feel it
with all my soul.
it is quiet,
but there are days
when exhaustion
doesn’t become rest,
but an unspoken rule.
in a house
where I cannot exist,
I stay.
I breathe.
I do not disturb.
and maybe today is quiet.
and maybe that
is all I can do for myself today:
to remain whole
on a day
that asks for nothing
and yet
takes so much from me.