to: mom
you sit at my table every day.
sorry, our table. your table.
you sit on the same chair you did the past 17 years of my life.
But it feels like that chair is empty.
like it wasn’t filled ever.
like it’s missing something, someone.
the chair is there. it is. but it is filled with the ghost of you.
that ghost is all my “good memories” of you. but when your actions and words outshine that ghost, it disappears.
and with it do all the good ones.
And suddenly i don’t remember a thing. I don’t comprehend how i can loathe and love a person that has always been present but never a part of my life.
And you don’t know how jealous i am. Oh, how jealous i am when i am over at my friend’s houses. And i sit at their tables, where they sit everyday and see the look on their mother’s faces. Because they aren’t ghosts, they are present, a constant. Who always sits at their tables and acts to make them happy.
Maybe one day you can become that. But still there will always be a ghost sitting on the same chair, that is yours.
Nov 13, 2025
Nov 13, 2025 at 5:47 PM UTC
to: mom
you sit at my table every day.
sorry, our table. your table.
you sit on the same chair you did the past 17 years of my life.
But it feels like that chair is empty.
like it wasn’t filled ever.
like it’s missing something, someone.
the chair is there. it is. but it is filled with the ghost of you.
that ghost is all my “good memories” of you. but when your actions and words outshine that ghost, it disappears.
and with it do all the good ones.
And suddenly i don’t remember a thing. I don’t comprehend how i can loathe and love a person that has always been present but never a part of my life.
And you don’t know how jealous i am. Oh, how jealous i am when i am over at my friend’s houses. And i sit at their tables, where they sit everyday and see the look on their mother’s faces. Because they aren’t ghosts, they are present, a constant. Who always sits at their tables and acts to make them happy.
Maybe one day you can become that. But still there will always be a ghost sitting on the same chair, that is yours.