#motherdaughter
I have had to fight my own matriarch for my rights.
I have had to learn on my own to fight.
I have witnessed a woman birth boys and girls all the while boys will be boys.
I have witnessed her loud will to fight for herself but her completely denial of me.
I have struggled with this syndrome of men being more deserving of forgiveness.
They don’t know any better, they are just dumb, we have to teach them.
No ma’am. I didn’t birth them. I didn’t choose to bring them into this world and refuse to teach them right.
I didn’t choose to pass the blame as they grew into adulthood and spewed hatred of you and me and all those like us.
I sat quietly as you punished me far more severely than them.
I sat desperate for the right attention while you shamed me and hated me.
I walked through and protected you while you refused to protect me.
I live with conflict inside my chest.
Do you love me or do you hate me?
I shrank myself because of you.
My matriarch tore me down.
She confused me.
She bound my hands and gagged my mouth.
She is strong and loud, courageous and brave.
She gave me the fire I have inside but she tried to burn me with it first.
She loves me but she loves them more than me.
She didn’t fight for me the way she did for them.
She took up her place as woman but her hand reaches out to man.
Apr 20
Apr 20, 2026 at 4:16 PM UTC
Make a scene when you are young
and you are already good at making scenes.
I have been making scenes since I was seven.
My mother's Merit Ultra Light 100s on the deck,
early spring sun going down,
my sneakers and my fingers making sure.
She was mad about the drive.
I was mad about everything else.
We did not discuss the difference.
I picked tobacco from under my nails.
She breathed through it.
I was waiting for her to notice.
She didn't.
I intend to die making a scene.
I intend to be lowered into the earth mid-sentence,
comma still pending,
everyone waiting,
mouths slightly open,
for the rest of it.
There is no rest of it.
That was the scene.
I hope you were watching.
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 4:00 AM UTC
Oh, mother
when did I start mothering myself
because you couldn’t?
When did I learn
to wipe my own tears,
to soften my own voice,
to hold myself the way
I begged you to hold me?
Am I healing,
or am I only becoming
my own replacement?
Why do I hear your tone
in my anger,
your silence in my pauses,
your sharpness
when I speak without thinking?
Why do I hate myself
every time I sound like you?
Why am I terrified
that I am slowly turning
into the thing that broke me?
Did I believe I could change you
just by loving harder,
by being quieter,
by being better?
Did I think if I survived enough,
you would soften?
Why did no one tell me
that daughters are not meant
to save their mothers?
Why did I carry hope
like it was my responsibility?
Why does it still hurt
to admit
that love was not enough?
Oh, mother
if I am learning to mother myself,
is that healing
or proof
that no one came?
And if no one could save you,
why did it have to be me
who learned the cost?
Jan 22
Jan 22, 2026 at 12:59 AM UTC
to: mom
you sit at my table every day.
sorry, our table. your table.
you sit on the same chair you did the past 17 years of my life.
But it feels like that chair is empty.
like it wasn’t filled ever.
like it’s missing something, someone.
the chair is there. it is. but it is filled with the ghost of you.
that ghost is all my “good memories” of you. but when your actions and words outshine that ghost, it disappears.
and with it do all the good ones.
And suddenly i don’t remember a thing. I don’t comprehend how i can loathe and love a person that has always been present but never a part of my life.
And you don’t know how jealous i am. Oh, how jealous i am when i am over at my friend’s houses. And i sit at their tables, where they sit everyday and see the look on their mother’s faces. Because they aren’t ghosts, they are present, a constant. Who always sits at their tables and acts to make them happy.
Maybe one day you can become that. But still there will always be a ghost sitting on the same chair, that is yours.
Nov 13, 2025
Nov 13, 2025 at 5:47 PM UTC
the two of them, blonde and spitfire,
hollow turquoise blue eyes in the sagebrush,
stormy and unspent
reluctant to grow up
homesick
lost in the washed-out denim skies of our prairie,
heather fields sprawled soft grey forever into the skyline,
it's a grainy stage for a 1970s play about alcoholism,
characters dressed pastel in 1980s hand-me-downs,
production with 1990s debt, the script written in the language of early 2000s anxiety.
always fixin' to do it,
planning and unplanning the thing,
learning to tie bows from stolen fishing line,
whatever we caught was the hill's high ransom
twisting the blade and choking it on its own blood.
absolve me, frilly church clothes
and squeaky-clean pearl snaps,
carried away on the wind rushing by pink ears,
running down long cool tile halls,
the whispers of hushed women at our patent leather heels,
saying something... well,
it must be nice or nothin' at all.
forgive them their ignorance
for not knowing just what they do
pushing our hands to their throats
away from each other
I am listening to you, still singing
mom's scratchy old cassette tape of the truth
playing like a gasp between last breaths:
"we are but sisters"
Nov 4, 2025
Nov 4, 2025 at 5:07 PM UTC
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In the darkest gloom,
A mother's love is a spark,
It illuminates and blooms,
It gives us a dash of hope,
and guides like a loom,
It wraps around tenderly,
a gift given straight from the womb.
Jul 19, 2025
Jul 19, 2025 at 5:24 PM UTC
All my life,
you said what you said.
I did what you said.
I wore full-sleeved clothes.
I stayed quiet.
My cries went into vacuum—
swallowed, silent.
But you always stood strong.
It’s the colour of skin.
The hair you couldn’t tame.
The nose that wasn’t yours.
I always just...
heard what you said
until my ears bled out.
You remind me of the mountains—
the ones I grew up with:
tall, oddly shaped, and proud.
It’s shocking
that my tears made you crumble,
like a lost girl at sea.
Glad to see,
the past haunts you
like it does me.
May 25, 2025
May 25, 2025 at 1:48 PM UTC
I look for you in the people I meet
Drawn always to mothers and to crones
Finding myself at the edge of the earth
Searching for you
Though I know where you are
It’s subconscious
It’s instinctive
Needing you
Mar 2, 2025
Mar 2, 2025 at 7:04 PM UTC
I walked along, hand in hand
Strolling towards the trees.
I was happy, had no care,
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
I ran my hands, through the green,
Humming - carefree as can be.
I was content, and had no fear,
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
I closed my eyes, to feel the breeze,
Smiling so blissfully,
I sighed, then, I remember -
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
I opened my eyes, and the trees were bare
Barren ground surrounded me -
I screamed, wordless, held on even tighter
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
The sky then bled, my mother screamed
As to why I couldn’t see
My dog barked, and I held on to
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
My mother looked at me, her mouth was open
Still screaming silently
The dog whimpered, why was it only
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
She then faded, I ran after
Holding my dog helplessly
I knew then that image was over, of
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
When I stopped, she was gone, and so was the dog
They were only memories.
Nightmares or dreams - the only way it can be
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
Oct 16, 2024
Oct 16, 2024 at 12:30 PM UTC
she holds my hand in her palm
cradling it gently
as she cleans
the wounds she reopened
again
on my calloused paper skin.
The giver birth
and
the harbinger of my death,
embraces me in crocodile tears.
"Who is she?" I am asked
and in a cracked voice bandaged with promises,
I answer;
"she is my mother."
Jan 28, 2023
Jan 28, 2023 at 1:31 AM UTC
If that was a blast of love
I’d hate to see your hate.
Your blunt, forceful love
comes from fear,
rains in blows,
and leaves me -
smaller, sadder,
reactive—
reeling for equilibrium.
Apr 5, 2022
Apr 5, 2022 at 7:38 AM UTC
All of the above.
Alone.
I feel so alone.
I wish I had that emotional support some girls talk about with their moms
I feel like she’s there but not there
Im just here
I wish I can go to my mom for a hug
I wish I can go to my mom for advice
I wish I can talk to my mom
I wish I had a different mother
I feel so alone
Sep 30, 2021
Sep 30, 2021 at 8:23 AM UTC
It starts with his beautiful bright blue eye,
So steady and sure as the wings flutter and sigh.
They keep watch of the life below,
The nectar and the flowers that grow
A forest of colours, red to indigo.
Now, when the eyes shutter and blink,
The flowers look up and they think,
'Here is our dazzling friend,
Come here to dance and defend,
And to our gardens tend'.
Here, it whispers to a mother and child
Remembering all the times that they smiled
To each other and held hands
To help the child thrive and withstand
The winter's harshest command.
The mother waves and the child shakes
In excitement and down fall the flakes
Of yellow but quickly goes the protector
Gathering the pieces and the nectar
And hurrying back to inspect her.
Often people suspect that this pest
Eats the flowers and destroys their nest
But little do they know of why
The mother flower strokes the pest's eye.
You see butterflies don't just flutter by.
They have a duty and a burden
To protect the flowers of their garden
And see that everything is safe and sound
Down there on the ground.
Sep 30, 2020
Sep 30, 2020 at 2:06 PM UTC
My mother, mommy, mom
You were my person,
My sun and moon and stars,
The superwoman who made everything good happen
and the one I blamed for any bad that happened
My little sister and I only had you
the three of us
in cahoots or at odds
the bond was the foundation
until I built my own.
Your smile, a vivid memory
your laugh an echo in my heart
my hands look like yours and if I clasp them together
I can pretend we are holding hands again
closing my eyes
inhaling your scent of Patchouli
how did it feel to be enveloped in your arms?
Soft and safe and peaceful
when I was little
before my teenage rebellion
when I pushed farther away
how many times did I break your heart?
Each time you forgave me
silently,
without reproach,
unconditionally.
Aug 6, 2020
Aug 6, 2020 at 12:32 AM UTC
you and i
driving down the highway
i swear we could fly
with you behind the wheel
the pictures littered the car
like anxious petals fallen too soon
desperate pleads for a love
i could not express to you
steady hands on the wheel
you whisked me away
to a little burger place on the interstate
where for a moment we escaped
the rush of it all
the pain of it all
when i felt safe
to fall into you
eyes glued to the dot
amongst trees and cars
yearning to keep this spot
that, only briefly, we called ours
Jul 28, 2020
Jul 28, 2020 at 3:06 AM UTC
Golden Strands
of hair glisten
like honey
Soft, solace scent
of an old home
Goose feather pillows
Blue veins disguised
inside cautious hands
Embrace me, radiate warmth
And with the utmost careful placement
of glasses on her nightstand
once again.
May 10, 2020
May 10, 2020 at 4:58 AM UTC
Mama,
I'm just a little girl.
You make me happier than anything else
With the books that you read me
The smiles you give me
The warmth of your body
As I sit on your lap
My downy blonde head
Rested, listening to the heartbeat
That lulled me to sleep
In your womb.
You tell me,
"Madison,
You are my sunshine."
You're mine, too
So I bring you
Pictures I drew
Purple weeds that I picked from the yard
Smiles
Flashing love, optimism
With my crooked baby teeth.
I love you, Mama
I do.
Mama,
I'm not a little girl.
I like boys
And have opinions
And bleed
Just about every month now.
I roll my eyes
And speak my mind
And disagree.
I want to read those few books
You don't think that I'm ready to read.
I make you cry now
Almost as often as I make you laugh.
I remind you of the sharp, dangerous bits
Of your own adolescence
With all the added danger
Of my Daddy's set ways.
I'm sorry, Mama
I am.
I can only become a woman
In the ways that you teach me.
I love you, Mama
I do.
Mama,
You know I'm your girl.
I might have Daddy's face and sense of humor
But it's you and I
Talking about our respective friends
As we work in the kitchen
You on the main course
Me on dessert.
We laugh
And sing along to Courtney Love's mad howls
No matter how much everyone else winces in response.
Let me tell you a secret, Mama:
I don't want to grow up anymore.
I feel safe here
Always at home
As long as I'm with you.
I love you, Mama
I do.
Mama,
I'm still just a little girl.
It scares me to death
To see you hurt
When there's nothing I can do
To ease your pain.
Part of me wants to do
What you did for me:
Tuck you into bed
With a hug
A kiss
A ginger ale.
"Sleep tight
Night-night
Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Sweet dreams
Love you
See you tomorrow."
I want to **** this ******* cancer
Eradicate it
From you
And every man, woman, and child
Who's ever fallen
Into its hideous grip.
I don't want to ever have to leave your side, Mama,
Wouldn't do it
For anything in this world.
I'm sorry
For any nasty thing
I could have ever said to you.
I'm sorry
If the stresses
Of a single moment
Or years' worth of them
Ever stole a little bit of joy
From you and I.
I love you, Mama
I always will.
I'll do anything
If it means we can take each other's hands
And kick this thing's ***
Jan 3, 2020
Jan 3, 2020 at 3:40 PM UTC
Tendrils, memories cascade a stormy mind
Now where did I leave my pride
Forgotten now, a pearly shell on a distant shore
My death will be fierce, I am not afraid to die
But pain, well I’m drowning in it
And I can barely tolerate saying hello
To my dear friends, my loving family
Just tell them to go away and take the pain with them
I’m floating now, ****** clouds waft across an indigo sky
Listen to the echoes, a song from long ago
“Georgia on My Mind”
My heart flutters, I am 17, I meet my first love
Exhilaration, freedom, I can be anyone, anything!
The pages of time, turn swiftly now
Feelings fall away like confetti
I am angry, I am happy, I am sorry, I am sad
I am more and sometimes I am less
Through it all I am me
I will not let cancer take me away from me
For I have you dear lord
and I know there is more
Dear Lord, send my sisters Rose and Bella to get me
Tell them to bring Goldie, my dear dog
I am ready
Just got to sort everyone else out before I go
Jun 25, 2019
Jun 25, 2019 at 4:26 PM UTC
The brave ones wield their mettle,
yet again not settling for defeat.
Retreat is not a choice!
Though their voices shake; they speak their truth.
Strong and weak.
Age and Youth.
Jun 17, 2019
Jun 17, 2019 at 9:37 AM UTC
Mama
what I tell you
what I don't tell anyone else
what has happened
what cannot be explained
what we better leave as it is
I have no idea
how it can be otherwise
whether it should be otherwise
mama
we're having a good time
we can talk, talk
about something else
polish our words
let them glide lightly
along the scraping walls
around the discomfort
listening half
inventing the rest ourselves
then it will go
isn't that how it goes?
Those secrets, mama
we don't need to know them
out loud, you know
I miss the long walks
the long evenings together
the boredom of before
May 30, 2019
May 30, 2019 at 5:27 AM UTC
I’m sorry for what I’ve done
I really am
I never meant to hurt you like this
I know there is nothing that I could do
For me to change what happened between us
But I hope
That one day
You will forgive me
And still see me as your daughter
I love you mom.....
Mar 3, 2019
Mar 3, 2019 at 3:59 PM UTC
I have my mother’s hands
She’s always with me
I am her
She is me
We are one
Feb 26, 2019
Feb 26, 2019 at 11:43 PM UTC