It's been suffocating recently
waking up in stress dreams from the bees buzzing in my chest
and my breath catches--
dancing with the beat of my heart
too fast, too loud, and I crumble
It's difficult to pinpoint why
thoughts are bumper cars in my head--
jerking, crashing, feeding off each other
and I falter
I ground myself by getting as close to the earth as I can
the cool feeling of flooring beneath me calms in a comfort of sorts that reminds me of my insignificance
I am kind--though not much to myself
I find faults whenever I can,
trapped in the feeling of not good enough and too much
and I'd be lying if I said I am where I want to be,
but then you'd ask where it is I could see myself and I don't have a clear answer
I know I want security
as much of my life feels like borrowed time--
I know I want peace of mind
I know I want, I want, and I want
but what it is--
perhaps I'll never know
Oct 29, 2025
Oct 29, 2025 at 10:27 AM UTC
It's been suffocating recently
waking up in stress dreams from the bees buzzing in my chest
and my breath catches--
dancing with the beat of my heart
too fast, too loud, and I crumble
It's difficult to pinpoint why
thoughts are bumper cars in my head--
jerking, crashing, feeding off each other
and I falter
I ground myself by getting as close to the earth as I can
the cool feeling of flooring beneath me calms in a comfort of sorts that reminds me of my insignificance
I am kind--though not much to myself
I find faults whenever I can,
trapped in the feeling of not good enough and too much
and I'd be lying if I said I am where I want to be,
but then you'd ask where it is I could see myself and I don't have a clear answer
I know I want security
as much of my life feels like borrowed time--
I know I want peace of mind
I know I want, I want, and I want
but what it is--
perhaps I'll never know
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