Well… here we are again.
I went out for drinks at the local pub,
thinking maybe I wouldn’t be invited
because you’ve been happier with other people.
And I know you’re happy with them…
but I feel like a dog chained to a post,
no sign of its owner ever coming back.
Left behind by you. Again.
I’m sad. I’m angry.
But more than anything
I’m numb.
Numb to what I give,
numb to what I am.
Because you’ve shown me, time and time again,
that I contribute nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
I’m useful when it suits you,
and invisible when it doesn’t.
Used when it’s convenient,
discarded when it’s not.
My chest aches like a wound,
a pain that refuses to heal.
Do I really mean nothing?
Am I even anything at all?
What worth emotional, monetary,
Do I hold in your eyes?
Maybe something,
Probably nothing.
You’ve shown me in your absence of care.
And now, worse
You’ve crossed a line.
That I thought friends at least
Would never cross
You hurt me. Physically.
I showed my best friend the bruises.
The one person I trust most in this world.
They were outraged.
I cried into the phone
as their voice cracked with anger for me.
And I am terrified
terrified you’ll do it again.
Terrified the bruises will grow into something more.
Maybe that’s all I am to you
a bag to be punched.
A thing to dig your nails into until I bleed.
A stool to climb on,
a vessel to pour your relief into.
Every time I ask
to share something,
anything as simple as a film,
or a meal,
you say you’re busy.
Already have plans.
But then I see you.
See you watching a film,
ordering food
with someone else.
Someone new.
And I’m done begging.
Done giving willingly,
When I only see you in scraps,
in borrowed moments,
in the silence between your excuses.
I’m mourning a loss
That hasn’t even been buried yet.
I’m close.
So close to walking to the river,
Again.
To swim into the void,
to sink into the end that should have come
long ago.
These last few years
the best and the worst
will have been my everything.
And maybe in my absence,
you’ll finally gain something.
Maybe then,
I’ll have been worth… anything at all.
Maybe…
Sep 11, 2025
Sep 11, 2025 at 4:33 PM UTC
Well… here we are again.
I went out for drinks at the local pub,
thinking maybe I wouldn’t be invited
because you’ve been happier with other people.
And I know you’re happy with them…
but I feel like a dog chained to a post,
no sign of its owner ever coming back.
Left behind by you. Again.
I’m sad. I’m angry.
But more than anything
I’m numb.
Numb to what I give,
numb to what I am.
Because you’ve shown me, time and time again,
that I contribute nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
I’m useful when it suits you,
and invisible when it doesn’t.
Used when it’s convenient,
discarded when it’s not.
My chest aches like a wound,
a pain that refuses to heal.
Do I really mean nothing?
Am I even anything at all?
What worth emotional, monetary,
Do I hold in your eyes?
Maybe something,
Probably nothing.
You’ve shown me in your absence of care.
And now, worse
You’ve crossed a line.
That I thought friends at least
Would never cross
You hurt me. Physically.
I showed my best friend the bruises.
The one person I trust most in this world.
They were outraged.
I cried into the phone
as their voice cracked with anger for me.
And I am terrified
terrified you’ll do it again.
Terrified the bruises will grow into something more.
Maybe that’s all I am to you
a bag to be punched.
A thing to dig your nails into until I bleed.
A stool to climb on,
a vessel to pour your relief into.
Every time I ask
to share something,
anything as simple as a film,
or a meal,
you say you’re busy.
Already have plans.
But then I see you.
See you watching a film,
ordering food
with someone else.
Someone new.
And I’m done begging.
Done giving willingly,
When I only see you in scraps,
in borrowed moments,
in the silence between your excuses.
I’m mourning a loss
That hasn’t even been buried yet.
I’m close.
So close to walking to the river,
Again.
To swim into the void,
to sink into the end that should have come
long ago.
These last few years
the best and the worst
will have been my everything.
And maybe in my absence,
you’ll finally gain something.
Maybe then,
I’ll have been worth… anything at all.
Maybe…
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