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I try to choose kindness I try to take deep breaths and let my anger wash out But, my there are wasps in my brain there is a buzzing hot hot heat settled where my neck and head meet I swim laps in the pool I walk the road and back I hope that maybe I will make it back kinder I walk foot trails with my son the leaves casting dappled light on his gold-spun hair I feel my chest break at the sight He is so kind but he is mine will he feel this buzzing will it lead him to break every day I try to quiet my voice so he doesn't learn to yell but I never learned quiet. I am teaching myself. I am learning He is patient with me that is not his job I see the sun on his hair He jumps on my back in the pool he giggles and wails love incarnate I think I will remember these times most I will feel nostalgia bathed in dappled gold when my bones are brittle and old when I have finally learned to quiet the buzzing but will it be too late will his giggles cease will his small hands turn into fists will he become me I am teaching myself. I am learning. I hope he is learning too I hope he is seeing me try, seeing me take deep breaths seeing me scramble for kindness kindness! I thrash against these angry chains and I hope he knows but I watched my father thrash his whole life It is how I knew to try I still carry his anger in me like like wasps in my brain I choose kindness I take deep breathes I swim laps and walk trails I hope that kindness will chose me back
0
Aug 21, 2023
Aug 21, 2023 at 12:56 PM UTC
wasps
I try to choose kindness I try to take deep breaths and let my anger wash out But, my there are wasps in my brain there is a buzzing hot hot heat settled where my neck and head meet I swim laps in the pool I walk the road and back I hope that maybe I will make it back kinder I walk foot trails with my son the leaves casting dappled light on his gold-spun hair I feel my chest break at the sight He is so kind but he is mine will he feel this buzzing will it lead him to break every day I try to quiet my voice so he doesn't learn to yell but I never learned quiet. I am teaching myself. I am learning He is patient with me that is not his job I see the sun on his hair He jumps on my back in the pool he giggles and wails love incarnate I think I will remember these times most I will feel nostalgia bathed in dappled gold when my bones are brittle and old when I have finally learned to quiet the buzzing but will it be too late will his giggles cease will his small hands turn into fists will he become me I am teaching myself. I am learning. I hope he is learning too I hope he is seeing me try, seeing me take deep breaths seeing me scramble for kindness kindness! I thrash against these angry chains and I hope he knows but I watched my father thrash his whole life It is how I knew to try I still carry his anger in me like like wasps in my brain I choose kindness I take deep breathes I swim laps and walk trails I hope that kindness will chose me back
hey it's been a while
#parenting#anger#cycles#kindness#child#generational#reflection
Written by
NotAWriter
27/Genderqueer
Aug 21, 2023
Aug 21, 2023 at 12:56 PM UTC
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