I go through days where I feel as though I don’t deserve this love, this life.
I try my best to remember that the abuse I endured was real and damaging.
That what I went through would’ve affected anyone who stood in my shoes the same way.
I can accept the abuse
I have accepted it a long time ago.
I just can’t seem to accept how long my healing journey took me and the people I hurt along the way.
I had been unknowingly lying to myself and others thinking I was fine when I in fact was far from it.
The truth is, I was so used to feeling that way that I thought it was normal. Now 7 years later I can only describe it as feeling like a foggy version of myself.
I thought because I wasn’t in my room crying, I was fine. I figured because I still had a social life, I couldn’t be traumatized.
I ended up subconsciously accepting the love I thought I deserved and then got upset and blamed my partner when it turned out to not be the love I wanted in the end.
I turned away the love I knew that I wanted but was too scared to feel, only I turned away too late, after the damage was already inflicted.
I can forgive myself for enduring the abuse for far longer than I should’ve.
I can not forgive myself for hurting others through my journey of healing.
Apr 22, 2023
Apr 22, 2023 at 10:06 PM UTC
I go through days where I feel as though I don’t deserve this love, this life.
I try my best to remember that the abuse I endured was real and damaging.
That what I went through would’ve affected anyone who stood in my shoes the same way.
I can accept the abuse
I have accepted it a long time ago.
I just can’t seem to accept how long my healing journey took me and the people I hurt along the way.
I had been unknowingly lying to myself and others thinking I was fine when I in fact was far from it.
The truth is, I was so used to feeling that way that I thought it was normal. Now 7 years later I can only describe it as feeling like a foggy version of myself.
I thought because I wasn’t in my room crying, I was fine. I figured because I still had a social life, I couldn’t be traumatized.
I ended up subconsciously accepting the love I thought I deserved and then got upset and blamed my partner when it turned out to not be the love I wanted in the end.
I turned away the love I knew that I wanted but was too scared to feel, only I turned away too late, after the damage was already inflicted.
I can forgive myself for enduring the abuse for far longer than I should’ve.
I can not forgive myself for hurting others through my journey of healing.