What do I want?

derelictmemory Poems

I thought I had it For a moment I thought This is how I want to be loved This is the kind of love I want I overlooked so many things. I ignored so many flags. I glazed over so many wrongs. I thought I had it For a moment, just for a moment, I was loved. I was cared for. I had... someone But I'm laying in the dark Questioning my reality Flipping through my memories Dissecting my words Reviewing my actions Over and over and over I'm sitting up at 3:16am Asking myself if I even deserve to be loved Wondering if I deserve to be cared for Do I deserve... someone? Is this love? No. No, it isn't. But this is familiar The doubt, the hurt, the emptiness The overexplanations, the silence I dont want to fight I dont want to argue I dont want to yell I want laughs under the stars I want kindness and softness I want balance, firm ground I thought this was supposed to be love But no, No, it isn't.