I’ve read a lot of books
So many stories
They always describe it the same
Dry mouth, empty thoughts
Usually even instant understanding
But that wasn’t how it happened for me
They all say they couldn’t breathe
But I was breathing too much
Hyperventilating
There was nothing empty about my mind
The thoughts were racing
Oh, all the images
The memories
Of you and me
Under the bridge
And at the trailer parks
Our last conversations
That very final hug
But not our last embrace
I held you from the casket
I planted a loving kiss on your face
My tongue didn’t feel dry
I was mumbling to myself
Screaming in devastation
Drowning in my grief
I kept calling your phone
Praying for an answer
Praying for anything
I needed it to be a lie
I needed it all to be fake
I couldn’t understand
No sense could it make
I threw my head against the walls
Hoping the bricks could seal my fate
Blow after blow
Trying to join my soulmate
Pleading
Bargaining with God
I’ll change my ways
Just let this be okay
Begging to have you back that day
Hopeless.
Lost.
My soul felt pointless.
And when I saw you for the first time
When I laid my eyes on that box
It wasn’t just you; it was me that I saw
I was you and you were me
And I knew the truth
I was dead now too
Aug 15, 2021
Aug 15, 2021 at 7:31 PM UTC
I’ve read a lot of books
So many stories
They always describe it the same
Dry mouth, empty thoughts
Usually even instant understanding
But that wasn’t how it happened for me
They all say they couldn’t breathe
But I was breathing too much
Hyperventilating
There was nothing empty about my mind
The thoughts were racing
Oh, all the images
The memories
Of you and me
Under the bridge
And at the trailer parks
Our last conversations
That very final hug
But not our last embrace
I held you from the casket
I planted a loving kiss on your face
My tongue didn’t feel dry
I was mumbling to myself
Screaming in devastation
Drowning in my grief
I kept calling your phone
Praying for an answer
Praying for anything
I needed it to be a lie
I needed it all to be fake
I couldn’t understand
No sense could it make
I threw my head against the walls
Hoping the bricks could seal my fate
Blow after blow
Trying to join my soulmate
Pleading
Bargaining with God
I’ll change my ways
Just let this be okay
Begging to have you back that day
Hopeless.
Lost.
My soul felt pointless.
And when I saw you for the first time
When I laid my eyes on that box
It wasn’t just you; it was me that I saw
I was you and you were me
And I knew the truth
I was dead now too
Dedicated to my best friend. Bryce Aaron Rhodes-Ewing
October 8, 1996 - July 24, 2020
