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emilijaPoems
31/12/2022 It’s the last day of the year, and I’ve had one extra depressive episode because a 21 year old noped out, apparently I’m demiromantic and have never had a crush need a strong connection, when it’s there – it’s nothing to reckon with, had I known I’d have put more space between us, taken it slower rather than convincing myself I have control, as it slips I’m leaving another lover, wretched with stench I look at their face in old pictures, becoming afraid at their void expression, beard they refuse to trim for me so I daydream and I know like, I know now, with therapy that there is no magical himbo to save me, no delusions about that, no boo, no more but I also know I deserve some ******* comfort after the hell, oh the hell I can’t broach, if I **** it will burst like a yolk, I’ll be dead by morning, oh and he’s so beautiful his eyes on me, his cautious fingers, fear and shudders makes me feel like my best was not just good enough my best was fascinating. I want to tell him about my songs, mixing in studio 1 I wanna duet, and melt, I want him on his knees at random words, I want that worship, wanna feel his piercing on my everything, want to give that worship not just in a word document, so I daydream, I get to. I ******* get to if I need it, daydream about whichever thing will never happen if I need it. I will not be shamed for surviving I will not be blinded to an oasis for the chance it’s a mirage, I need to get from place to place, boo What shall I do as I heal? Drink? Drugs? ******* cigarettes? did you know the internet says I’ll die at 67? Little more than half now my life is not shortened by zoning out - If I want a muse I will have a ******* muse, and he can think I’m crazy along with the rest of them, **** if I care,   I want him to come here.                                     I want to ask him questions, reasonable questions because I know I would:                                                                        is this an impulsive decision? have you broken up?                                                                                                how long ago? are you in therapy?                                             I am **** demisexual,                                                   even in my mind,                                               especially in my mind Do       you      want      me      or      do       you       want      polyamory? Because I can be anyone, and I have already been                                                          an experiment for some guy, ‘fore he                                                               gets a bi curious, monogamous girl Because we can grow alongside one another, but not fix each other because you need to process because if you’re with her, she wouldn’t have a reason other than “my boyfriend really wants to” and that is the worst reason for polyamory, and I am not nor have ever been in the business of hurting people with intent (excluding  grade school, ((I’m sorry, Martina – double sorry you died from leukemia,) excluding when you c o n s e n t )),   I’d like you to answer all of those, then maybe I get to hold you. That’s my daydream. Holding you. Watching films, you commenting on them the way I’ve done and annoyed all of my lovers. how your neck would smell                                       how your hair and head would feel in my hands how you’d shiver and breathe shallow, and how easily I could make it calm.   and yeah, subspacing you and using your body, I am not entirely ace.
0
Feb 21, 2023
Feb 21, 2023 at 12:21 AM UTC
Polyamorous word ***** daydream shenanigans
31/12/2022 It’s the last day of the year, and I’ve had one extra depressive episode because a 21 year old noped out, apparently I’m demiromantic and have never had a crush need a strong connection, when it’s there – it’s nothing to reckon with, had I known I’d have put more space between us, taken it slower rather than convincing myself I have control, as it slips I’m leaving another lover, wretched with stench I look at their face in old pictures, becoming afraid at their void expression, beard they refuse to trim for me so I daydream and I know like, I know now, with therapy that there is no magical himbo to save me, no delusions about that, no boo, no more but I also know I deserve some ******* comfort after the hell, oh the hell I can’t broach, if I **** it will burst like a yolk, I’ll be dead by morning, oh and he’s so beautiful his eyes on me, his cautious fingers, fear and shudders makes me feel like my best was not just good enough my best was fascinating. I want to tell him about my songs, mixing in studio 1 I wanna duet, and melt, I want him on his knees at random words, I want that worship, wanna feel his piercing on my everything, want to give that worship not just in a word document, so I daydream, I get to. I ******* get to if I need it, daydream about whichever thing will never happen if I need it. I will not be shamed for surviving I will not be blinded to an oasis for the chance it’s a mirage, I need to get from place to place, boo What shall I do as I heal? Drink? Drugs? ******* cigarettes? did you know the internet says I’ll die at 67? Little more than half now my life is not shortened by zoning out - If I want a muse I will have a ******* muse, and he can think I’m crazy along with the rest of them, **** if I care,   I want him to come here.                                     I want to ask him questions, reasonable questions because I know I would:                                                                        is this an impulsive decision? have you broken up?                                                                                                how long ago? are you in therapy?                                             I am **** demisexual,                                                   even in my mind,                                               especially in my mind Do       you      want      me      or      do       you       want      polyamory? Because I can be anyone, and I have already been                                                          an experiment for some guy, ‘fore he                                                               gets a bi curious, monogamous girl Because we can grow alongside one another, but not fix each other because you need to process because if you’re with her, she wouldn’t have a reason other than “my boyfriend really wants to” and that is the worst reason for polyamory, and I am not nor have ever been in the business of hurting people with intent (excluding  grade school, ((I’m sorry, Martina – double sorry you died from leukemia,) excluding when you c o n s e n t )),   I’d like you to answer all of those, then maybe I get to hold you. That’s my daydream. Holding you. Watching films, you commenting on them the way I’ve done and annoyed all of my lovers. how your neck would smell                                       how your hair and head would feel in my hands how you’d shiver and breathe shallow, and how easily I could make it calm.   and yeah, subspacing you and using your body, I am not entirely ace.
I'm publishing the ones I don't dare submit to places, can you let me know if these ramble style poems are any good?
#polyamory#kink#love#limerence#daydream#madness#wordvomit#experimental
emilija
Written by
emilija
30/Non-binary/Macedonian
Feb 21, 2023
Feb 21, 2023 at 12:21 AM UTC
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