I gave it my all
That’s what you said to do
You said one hundred and ten percent
So I did it for you
That was fine
I was alright
Until someone else said those same words
Again, again, again
I thought I could handle it
At first
But slowly I drained myself
Like a battery
You gave me handshakes and high-fives
Awards and degrees
Certifying my excellence
Molding my existence
I pushed myself
I met my deadlines
I did what you said
I did what all of you said
After a time
All of me was poured out
Scattered
Empty
Everything I had held
Fell broken and scattered
And frantically I tried to rebuild it
From what was left
My hands shake as I try
To put the pieces back in order
A desire, a compulsion
To control my storm
Anything
Everything
Hold it together
Hold something together
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t
Echoes in my mind
As thoughts spin and whirl
A tornado of expectations
I should…
But I can’t…
Well of course not
You’ve been drained for years
“Shoulds” and “oughts”
The poison in my thoughts
I just wanted to do what you said
To show you I had listened
I always had something to prove
I still do
But now it’s not about you
It’s about me
Now, I excel when I can
When I want to
If I don’t,
It was my choice
I don’t care what you think.
I value your opinion
But now I also value my own
I know my limits
There is so much me to explore
I can’t believe I let you drive so long
I missed out on me
And so did you
So when you say to give it my all,
I might
I might not
That’s my choice
I know how much of me I have to give
Only I can portion my time
You don’t know everything
I am strong, and I have limits
I have the power to say, “no”
When you ask to take from me
But I also can say, “yes” graciously
Knowing that I don’t need it
See, that’s what’s changed
I know what I need
I don’t rely on your knowing better
Because I can decide for myself
Rather than giving everything my all,
I give it my best
Knowing that I need to save some for myself
A bit of extra bandwidth in reserve
This way, you don’t own me
But I can offer myself to you
I can still give with grace
But I can withhold with wisdom
I give it my best
Mar 1, 2019
Mar 1, 2019 at 5:38 PM UTC
I gave it my all
That’s what you said to do
You said one hundred and ten percent
So I did it for you
That was fine
I was alright
Until someone else said those same words
Again, again, again
I thought I could handle it
At first
But slowly I drained myself
Like a battery
You gave me handshakes and high-fives
Awards and degrees
Certifying my excellence
Molding my existence
I pushed myself
I met my deadlines
I did what you said
I did what all of you said
After a time
All of me was poured out
Scattered
Empty
Everything I had held
Fell broken and scattered
And frantically I tried to rebuild it
From what was left
My hands shake as I try
To put the pieces back in order
A desire, a compulsion
To control my storm
Anything
Everything
Hold it together
Hold something together
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t
Echoes in my mind
As thoughts spin and whirl
A tornado of expectations
I should…
But I can’t…
Well of course not
You’ve been drained for years
“Shoulds” and “oughts”
The poison in my thoughts
I just wanted to do what you said
To show you I had listened
I always had something to prove
I still do
But now it’s not about you
It’s about me
Now, I excel when I can
When I want to
If I don’t,
It was my choice
I don’t care what you think.
I value your opinion
But now I also value my own
I know my limits
There is so much me to explore
I can’t believe I let you drive so long
I missed out on me
And so did you
So when you say to give it my all,
I might
I might not
That’s my choice
I know how much of me I have to give
Only I can portion my time
You don’t know everything
I am strong, and I have limits
I have the power to say, “no”
When you ask to take from me
But I also can say, “yes” graciously
Knowing that I don’t need it
See, that’s what’s changed
I know what I need
I don’t rely on your knowing better
Because I can decide for myself
Rather than giving everything my all,
I give it my best
Knowing that I need to save some for myself
A bit of extra bandwidth in reserve
This way, you don’t own me
But I can offer myself to you
I can still give with grace
But I can withhold with wisdom
I give it my best
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