There is a darkness
a darkness that consumes
that rages on
that tears me apart
I keep it at bay
To calm its nerves
To silence its whispers
But it's still there
In the corners of my conscious
Waiting
Waiting when I'm in despair
Waiting when life's anxieties has beaten me
Waiting to attack, with no mercy
I punch the walls till my knuckles ache
It feels my bones
It feels my skin crack
My hands bruise
It feels my pain
And still wants more
I keep punching
Waiting for it to be satisfied
But its thirst is not quenched
Until it sees blood
The darkness that waits dormant
Does not leave
It grabs a hold of me
It chokes the life away from me
Chokes my joy
Chokes my friends
Chokes my hope
So I grab a knife and cut myself
Cut again and again
Until this monster has seen enough
Has seen my arms, tear me flesh from flesh
blood to blood
Relentless it is
Quite it is
Patient my darkness is
Using guilt
Using shame
Using my past to control me
It is me I see in the mirror
It is I, trying to hurt me
It is I, who is the monster
The monster that eats the glass
Preventing me to scream
To speak
To ask for help
This darkness has already left me for dead
But its still here
Waiting
Until I sleep once again
To finish what it started
Jul 2, 2018
Jul 2, 2018 at 3:23 AM UTC
There is a darkness
a darkness that consumes
that rages on
that tears me apart
I keep it at bay
To calm its nerves
To silence its whispers
But it's still there
In the corners of my conscious
Waiting
Waiting when I'm in despair
Waiting when life's anxieties has beaten me
Waiting to attack, with no mercy
I punch the walls till my knuckles ache
It feels my bones
It feels my skin crack
My hands bruise
It feels my pain
And still wants more
I keep punching
Waiting for it to be satisfied
But its thirst is not quenched
Until it sees blood
The darkness that waits dormant
Does not leave
It grabs a hold of me
It chokes the life away from me
Chokes my joy
Chokes my friends
Chokes my hope
So I grab a knife and cut myself
Cut again and again
Until this monster has seen enough
Has seen my arms, tear me flesh from flesh
blood to blood
Relentless it is
Quite it is
Patient my darkness is
Using guilt
Using shame
Using my past to control me
It is me I see in the mirror
It is I, trying to hurt me
It is I, who is the monster
The monster that eats the glass
Preventing me to scream
To speak
To ask for help
This darkness has already left me for dead
But its still here
Waiting
Until I sleep once again
To finish what it started
I am sorry it is not as poetic as I am used to writing. But I needed to convey a truth. A truth I have felt about my depression for so long. For so long I have learned to mask its power with a smile. Depression for me has never left me. It never did and not sure if it ever leaves anybody. But I do hope that I will over come this. I have experienced Joy, love, life, and death. But within this cycle of life I have never experienced freedom from my own emotions that controlled me. Depression for me is like a crack on the mirror. You can still see your own reflection or have a sense of how your suppose to look like, but the reflection still has a crack. And no matter what I do its still there. 7/2/18