our relationship was notifications
banners I expected daily, without fail
ones that made my heart skip a beat
every single one i counted in my mind
they fell like coins in a jar, the clank- a smile
they morphed over times and months rolled themselves tighter and tighter, crushing us in its grasps
every time i see a notification
it’s not from you
i know
it’s almost never from you
and the coins in the jar have cracked it with each fall
and the shards dig into my heart every time i see
it isn’t you
i don’t know how to stop hoping that you’ll come back to me
that maybe one day i’ll get more notifications and it’ll be from you and-
i’ll smile
smiles seem so foreign to me now
what i do know is that it hurts
every notification that isn’t you is stabbing, twisting
and i turned them all off after I finally swirled into nothing but a cloud of pain
and i played music so loud i hoped it would crack through my skull
and i let myself dance
and forget
so what were we in the end?
us?
just a mass of notifications
how did they string together so well?
how did they fix themselves into a shape that convinced me to fall in love?
and how did they give themselves so much power
that now i feel myself disappearing bit by bit every time i see them
i’ve almost grown afraid of them
notifications
that’s all we were
and they themselves
omens of pain
but maybe that’s all we were too
Dec 26, 2017
Dec 26, 2017 at 9:09 PM UTC
our relationship was notifications
banners I expected daily, without fail
ones that made my heart skip a beat
every single one i counted in my mind
they fell like coins in a jar, the clank- a smile
they morphed over times and months rolled themselves tighter and tighter, crushing us in its grasps
every time i see a notification
it’s not from you
i know
it’s almost never from you
and the coins in the jar have cracked it with each fall
and the shards dig into my heart every time i see
it isn’t you
i don’t know how to stop hoping that you’ll come back to me
that maybe one day i’ll get more notifications and it’ll be from you and-
i’ll smile
smiles seem so foreign to me now
what i do know is that it hurts
every notification that isn’t you is stabbing, twisting
and i turned them all off after I finally swirled into nothing but a cloud of pain
and i played music so loud i hoped it would crack through my skull
and i let myself dance
and forget
so what were we in the end?
us?
just a mass of notifications
how did they string together so well?
how did they fix themselves into a shape that convinced me to fall in love?
and how did they give themselves so much power
that now i feel myself disappearing bit by bit every time i see them
i’ve almost grown afraid of them
notifications
that’s all we were
and they themselves
omens of pain
but maybe that’s all we were too
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