I buy the cheapest cigarettes
that I can find
sometimes subsisting solely
on my own fears
too busy counting
and alphabetizing
all of my past traumas
to get to work on time
I’m too young to
feel this old
I’m tired of being
so tired
I’m still waiting
for my life to start—
I’m dreaming of a day
that I can feel young—
as young as these
bones that creak under me
and this flesh that bulges and
sags
as young as these eyes
that do nothing but stretch
and dilate
I’m always so afraid
but I don’t see ghosts anymore
it’s trite to say that what I fear is myself
but I know, I know how evil I can be
and I’m afraid of everything
how do I keep going under
the weight of myself?
why do I try when all I do
is waste so rapidly away?
Mar 8, 2017
Mar 8, 2017 at 1:52 AM UTC
I buy the cheapest cigarettes
that I can find
sometimes subsisting solely
on my own fears
too busy counting
and alphabetizing
all of my past traumas
to get to work on time
I’m too young to
feel this old
I’m tired of being
so tired
I’m still waiting
for my life to start—
I’m dreaming of a day
that I can feel young—
as young as these
bones that creak under me
and this flesh that bulges and
sags
as young as these eyes
that do nothing but stretch
and dilate
I’m always so afraid
but I don’t see ghosts anymore
it’s trite to say that what I fear is myself
but I know, I know how evil I can be
and I’m afraid of everything
how do I keep going under
the weight of myself?
why do I try when all I do
is waste so rapidly away?
