Does anyone know the way out of San Jose?

Mostlybees Poems

I wake up itching every now and again And I go the whole day thinking of bed bugs Little nuclear bombs going off all over my arms and legs Which is why I cut my nails now I revisit that bridge every once in a while To see if it's still smoldering It looks war torn to be honest That was one hell of a fire Love becomes rage and that flame can't really be put out It feels like every day I have to pick my self respect off the floor And fight, just to open my eyes Im paralyzingly numb, the air around me feels like shackles Things dont make sense, I cant figure out what is disconnected When I feel weak, I add another memory to the pyre In an attempt to come to grips with this It feels like Im starting to lose my sense of humor My brain is picking **** apart Cannibalizing to bolster what little defense is left Everything is so tense, so grey But I guess you cant fight DNA; the way you were built Truth be told, I wish I could rip your tongue out through your teeth I wish I could inflict on you, as much damage is still standing within me But instead Im an aimless drunk, flailing at targets that dont exist Finding fraudulence and lies in everyone I see Hexa-focles, drunk goggles, eyes never built for my head Welded in place, make me eager for untruth in people Instead of hungry for their support And the more I struggle, the more I deny my lies The more these anti truths burn into my brain My thoughts are a ******* hurricane Im gorged with mistrust, greedy with skepticism, and eager to find an enemy This isn't me. I think that every day I dont even know who I am anymore Chemically, I dont have the ability to comprehend or repair myself They say the mind bends and twists in order to cope with anguish It feels like mine is on the verge of breaking every day Sometimes I feel like ending it all I cant stop thinking about this And it feels like Ill never recover But pain is like matter You cant destroy it; it'll just get passed around And a weaker, more gentle mind would be burdened with pain they don't deserve My reality is chemically changing all because of you Youre a quitter, a hypocrite, a joke Im not I dont quit just because it's easy to do it You do I love so intensely, but I hate exponentially And never in my most absurd dreams would I feel a hate like this You begged on your knees to be forgiven Yet you remained a traitor Safe to say whatever you did you me pales in comparison to the emotional coma youre too dumb to find a way out of It hurts to know that hurt is the only reminder I have left To know that I can still feel, still hate I learned that you cant surprise me, only validate my suspicions Pain has absolutely no limit Rock bottom does not exist And that all people can be defined by patterns But I watched you abandon your passions over and over Become more of the type of person you used to laugh at You left it to me to tell me you didnt love me anymore Sometimes I feel those bed bugs Those hot, lonely nights All the burns and cuts You took a part of my life and distorted it beyond recognition I will always hate you, I will never forgive you Remember when I told you about when i was young? And I told you that I'd see girls with some ****** And I'd think, god **** what does a guy have to do to get said a girl like that? Looks like Ill never know