I think i said I love you
Tens of thousands of times
Knowing full well the end was in sight
Each syllable a rivet in the armor i tried to build for you
Built with paper thin words
Held together with hope
Knowing all too well the end was drawing ever closer
Seeing your golden mask fade to silver
And your little tick tacking steps lose their tempo
I tried every second of every day
To be ready
I knew you werent scared like i was
You got to leave me as you
And i got to be there in the end
Everything hurts
Heart filled to burst
So much love for such a tiny friend
With nowhere to go
A destination left only in memory
Healing the little empty piece that went with you
Tending the last of what was good and sweet and innocent
Everything is okay
You can rest now
Goodbye Babbers, I'll miss you forever
I love you
Nov 11, 2023
Nov 11, 2023 at 4:01 AM UTC
I don't envy women
I'm glad to be this, but it feels like a prison
Four men, haven't met in years
Four entire lives come together
What could they say
Maybe they'll talk about today
How the world seems to be closing in
You think they have dreams?
Four men who trust each other
Maybe they will find a way to reconnect
Who knows, maybe they'll talk about ***** and *****
Maybe they'll talk about the past
There's so much chance
***** dragons, death, victory, dreams, family, dogs, cats
****** woodworking, eclectic collections, gas ******* engines
Combat juggling, indie movies, super hero theories
Today then way back when
What could four men talk about after so long ago
Maybe one healed from heartache
And he's ready to tell the others
Maybe one met his new daughter
And he's finally ready to tell the others
Maybe one of them reached a fitness milestone
And he's finally ready to tell the others
Maybe, just maybe, four men are ready to destroy the ******** that's kept them from connecting for decades
I overheard the question, here goes the talk!
Finances.
I don't envy women.
Oct 21, 2023
Oct 21, 2023 at 10:21 PM UTC
Smile no matter what, right?
A positive attitude reflects in your body and mind
So I've been told, about twenty years too many
If I had payment for a time I believe that, I'd have one Penny-
Wise men don't trust happiness
They know it's carelessness
A painted face is such a perfect thing
A physical temporary symbol-
For any Bozo too scared to be caught crying
I found a frown in the smile of a clown so profound the only correction
Was to stick hooks to his cheeks and apply some tension
Laugh clown laugh! Don't you ever frown again!
Let's see those chewing chunks, and lower your ears
Easy now, the grease paint isn't water proof, no tears
Rip through that sadness, pull harder
The cables will sing the sad song of a martyr
Welcome all the laughing God
Now smile meat, there's a show going on
The taxing toll of a Joker, always discarded
No games to play, always disregarded
But don't you ever frown, it's the lines not drawn that make clown funny
Don't ruin the show with your temerity
The cable, taught with your turmoil, so sentinel, so unknowable, so Sweet-
Tooth to toenail, wrought with agony
Don't dare frown, but be in pain, that's the duality
Oct 16, 2021
Oct 16, 2021 at 12:19 AM UTC
I try my hardest not to think of you
To keep you from my mind
Cause you're not here
Swooning is my religion, faithful in my remembrance
Inside i think you're angelic
A terrible machine of destruction
That gets inside, looks at me, wings outstretched
Light pouring out of you
Leaving me bathed in the divine grace of fear
Be not a afraid
Knowing full well you every word obliterates me
Nearby, awash in the warmth of a higher being
Manically enlightened to the extent of myself
You are perfect, horrendous, immaculate, and untamed
Can do no wrong to me, or anyone else
When in fact I die
Because Ive made you a god in the pantheon of my mind
But youre a person
With a life, and flaws, and fears
You exist in the same way I do
Sick to your stomach
About a person you think of
Stuck on the thought of being
So overwhelmingly alone
Without them
Nearby
Amazing, and awesome
Your prayers landing on deaf, omnipotent ears
Saying time and time again
Be not afraid
Dec 4, 2018
Dec 4, 2018 at 2:46 PM UTC
Im a breathing duality
One thing tells me something
Something tells me one thing
I think of embarassing things
When I was a kid and didnt know any better
Mitakes stick in my mouth like some kind of copper flavored
Self medication prescribed by the PhD I got
From a university of Be Productive, this is the way to succeed
Each selfish thought and memory illicits a litany of procedures
Duality
Two and also 1
1 but as well as 2
Number Algorithms
Sequences running
At high speeds
But slow enough to keep me in this chair
All these processes come backwards to the origin point
X to Y axis
Linear thinking, Fibonacci
Dual, Duel, Duo, Dichotomy
Two or more pieces provided the edges are sequenced
Come together to form a picture
Lasts for a day
Mutaute
New image, its different now
Aug 3, 2018
Aug 3, 2018 at 12:37 AM UTC
I didnt even know you existed
Until about two minutes after you escaped this
Your brother screamed your life into the dark
Hoping his words could wake you up, as he came apart
I wonder how long you were there
Before that nurse struggled to find your air
The classic millennial tragedy
Couldnt find work, spent all his money on classes that he
Felt like a failure for taking
Lonely, depressed, saw no life worth making
Mom and dad didnt want you in California
Brother saw new opportunity forya
Hiding behind your youth
You looked tired still, your back on those roots
Josh, I forgive you, really
I dont want you to burn out, this way is easy
The way things are, I get it
40, 50 years of this?
My life, one way, one feeling, from now on?
Man. This whole ****** up place can get ****** Im gone
As a stranger to another, I get it
I need you to know that you're wrong
The decision made sense in your head to move things along
But we could have prevented this ****
You could have waited just ten more minutes
Looking from the bridge down below
Your skin as white as this screen, the only light from a cell phone
Your pain didnt end
Trust and believe, it got a new home to live in
Your brother, mom on the phone, screaming and hepless
The nurse, too small to break your chest
The night jogger who found you hanging there
The cars slowly passing by all those road flares
Your pain got passed around man
This was a bad move, the extremely wrong plan
I met my neighbor that night
What a weird way to say hi
For the very first time
The same moment a young man died
He wanted to be more of an influence
But now hes asking why didnt see what you were doin
I never learned his name, only yours
The creek learned it about 63 times more
The scariest part was that cop
Looking just to the right of your body, and moving his light up
I dont know what you used, but he took a good look at it
Even after that night, I remember
That bridge is right outside my front door
It has an unshakable darkness to it now
The creek has been gentle since then, ushering your memory down
To the place where we all go
Forever silent, following the waters flow
Oct 31, 2017
Oct 31, 2017 at 3:46 PM UTC
I wish I had some melancholy memory
Of a romance, long since passed
When a sad song comes on
Talking about the way things used to be
My brain goes blank
The memory of being madly in love
Should evoke something sweet like soda
Every particle, touched and tickled
Just cold enough
A bite, on the lip
Enticing the next sip
Feels like drugs, all the way down
Pulling away, pursed and sticky, you know youll remember
The way that pop popped you way back when
And a thirst for it started
Everything goes better with a cola
A cigarette, sickening and deep, made fresh by that sugar
Whisky, rusty and virile, turned young and naive with that fizz
A good meal, made decadent, with a lick and twist of bubbles
It should, but it doesnt
All I seem to recall
Is feeling as each and every bud on my tongue
Where the seed of your taste was firmly planted
Is scorched
Cindered
Conflagrated
Charred
So the only taste is ash
I remember distinctly the three times I was severely burned
One, I was making cup noodles
Two, I was making food for your trifflin ***
Three, when you made me tell myself that you dont love me anymore
So when a sad love song comes on
Instead of that sparky, stingy, sugary stuff
I get that fructose, sucrose, glucose, rhymes with gross, kinda ****
I learned all too late, that **** like that, is the single worst thing you can put in your body
So whenever I crave to recall
The taste of bittersweet memories
Whispered to me through the turn of a cap
I just think to myself
Soda is **** water is bliss
Sep 19, 2017
Sep 19, 2017 at 5:00 PM UTC
I wake up itching every now and again
And I go the whole day thinking of bed bugs
Little nuclear bombs going off all over my arms and legs
Which is why I cut my nails now
I revisit that bridge every once in a while
To see if it's still smoldering
It looks war torn to be honest
That was one hell of a fire
Love becomes rage and that flame can't really be put out
It feels like every day I have to pick my self respect off the floor
And fight, just to open my eyes
Im paralyzingly numb, the air around me feels like shackles
Things dont make sense, I cant figure out what is disconnected
When I feel weak, I add another memory to the pyre
In an attempt to come to grips with this
It feels like Im starting to lose my sense of humor
My brain is picking **** apart
Cannibalizing to bolster what little defense is left
Everything is so tense, so grey
But I guess you cant fight DNA; the way you were built
Truth be told, I wish I could rip your tongue out through your teeth
I wish I could inflict on you, as much damage is still standing within me
But instead Im an aimless drunk, flailing at targets that dont exist
Finding fraudulence and lies in everyone I see
Hexa-focles, drunk goggles, eyes never built for my head
Welded in place, make me eager for untruth in people
Instead of hungry for their support
And the more I struggle, the more I deny my lies
The more these anti truths burn into my brain
My thoughts are a ******* hurricane
Im gorged with mistrust, greedy with skepticism, and eager to find an enemy
This isn't me. I think that every day
I dont even know who I am anymore
Chemically, I dont have the ability to comprehend or repair myself
They say the mind bends and twists in order to cope with anguish
It feels like mine is on the verge of breaking every day
Sometimes I feel like ending it all
I cant stop thinking about this
And it feels like Ill never recover
But pain is like matter
You cant destroy it; it'll just get passed around
And a weaker, more gentle mind would be burdened with pain they don't deserve
My reality is chemically changing all because of you
Youre a quitter, a hypocrite, a joke
Im not
I dont quit just because it's easy to do it
You do
I love so intensely, but I hate exponentially
And never in my most absurd dreams would I feel a hate like this
You begged on your knees to be forgiven
Yet you remained a traitor
Safe to say whatever you did you me pales in comparison to the emotional coma youre too dumb to find a way out of
It hurts to know that hurt is the only reminder I have left
To know that I can still feel, still hate
I learned that you cant surprise me, only validate my suspicions
Pain has absolutely no limit
Rock bottom does not exist
And that all people can be defined by patterns
But I watched you abandon your passions over and over
Become more of the type of person you used to laugh at
You left it to me to tell me you didnt love me anymore
Sometimes I feel those bed bugs
Those hot, lonely nights
All the burns and cuts
You took a part of my life and distorted it beyond recognition
I will always hate you, I will never forgive you
Remember when I told you about when i was young?
And I told you that I'd see girls with some ******
And I'd think, god **** what does a guy have to do to get said a girl like that?
Looks like Ill never know
Apr 24, 2016
Apr 24, 2016 at 4:46 AM UTC
I am disaster
With killing cuts in my face
For the drool when it rolls down
From a face held in place with staples and tension cables
My laugh lines are chuckles at best
Like a pity laugh at a joke that went one step too far
A mouth that settles down, literally
And strains to bend upward
Its so god **** heavy and I cant bare it
Pulling open my ribs to operate I can see this dark heart
Crusting over, hardening over with hate
Being petrified by all the things I distrust from happiness
Im pulling off those bits and pieces too necrotic to save
It hurts but it has to be done
Theres no other way to do it
Unmonitored positivism will dull my perception
While absorbed in this placebo state
I know that this heart will turn to stone
And buried beneath scar tissue, Ill change
Thats why a smile is the worst vitamin
The muscles used to form a cartoonish frown
Are not real, you have to try real hard to make that ****
But when your face is aimed downward
When your eyes are built for crying
And filling in the cracks with gold only makes your wounds visible
The weight of a smile is
A clown mask, over flesh burned from the inside out
Feeling like youre digesting a cannonball every hour of the day
Wanting to grab someone and hold them because the floor is falling out from under you
Feeling the size of your own thoughts crushing down on lungs too asthmatic to breath
Being acutely aware of every second of the day
The dying sun inside your chest feeling like it's going super nova
Being connected to a hundred different points, and seeing no change in distance
Slaying a sentence before it leaves your mind because you think no one cares
Being okay for everyone else because you cant be for yourself anymore
Mar 25, 2016
Mar 25, 2016 at 1:09 AM UTC
I wish I could shoot lasers from my mouth
A righteous, indomitable blast of human force
Directly from my most powerful weapon
The blast would be undeniable, and impossible to miss
A man made super nova, siphoned into a concentrated blast
Powered entirely by my lungs and my heart
The earth would be covered in scars, miles long
Masked with ocean, or forest
In mother earths nature, concealing what has hurt her
My voice would be a siren of dirge and doom
A beacon through which the pain of many could flow
Bringing physical form to the unquantifiable
I wish you could see how loud I'd scream
In defiance of time, trickster god, and cruel cruel fate
Air would melt, and rock would simply burn
As the giant incinerating laser of revenge burst forth from me
Green and bright as lightning
The laser would send a signal
Hundreds of miles high, letting the entire world know we've lost you
So that all eyes could turn skyward and everyone could tell
That a voice cries out against what hes witnessed
I wish I had that laser, and I wish my fury could be made manifest that way
I could speak my rage into the very crust of the earth
So that no blasphemy of man, or amalgam of the void
Could ever compare to how very much I will miss you
If you have to go, then go. Get out and never come back.
Return yourself to the curse of time, I get it, believe me, I get it
But Ill never let you be forgotten
Any chance I get I'll speak your name
So who and what you...were
Will reverberate infinitely
And the wealth you granted us by knowing you
Can never be ill spent
Mar 25, 2016
Mar 25, 2016 at 1:07 AM UTC