Last week I got an urge to lay on a rooftop, and drink ***** under the stars,
so I packed an empty backpack with svedka, a notebook, and a cellphone; and went on a mission.
I spent an afternoon looking around.
Taking notes on how in the hell, I could get up to a place that was flat, a roof, and could see the stars.
As it turns out,
the rooftops are not a place Freeport wants you to be.
in fact, one staircase directly leading to the top of a building specifically said
"No Trespassing"
Keeping me out with a locked metal door.
so I kept adventuring.
It did not occur to me until after I had already spent quite awhile scribbling down notes on locations of
milk crates I could use,
ledges low enough to grab,
dumpsters I could maybe move over just a bit,
how illegal it may be,
(I'M still not sure)
Or how dangerous it may be
(probably quite very)
To go on this adventure.
I texted a beautiful girl and asked if she wanted to drink ***** under the stars.
being the suave romantic that I am,
Having spent my whole morning surveying different routes to the rooftops.
Having planned out such a storybook evening, obviously her answer was,
"nah, I'd rather stay home, smoke **** and watch the new season of Orange is the new black."
********* Ruby Rose...
Stop. stealing. my dates.
After introducing myself to a handful of other potential candidates, I finally find a woman who believes climbing onto a rooftop and drinking ***** would be a swell time.
By the time I pick her up and get back to the spot,
it's late enough that Freeport is a ghost town.
We run down the middle of the street, me dragging her, doctor and companion style towards the first flawless plan:
Milkcrates behind linda beans.
We stack them up like steps and walk up to the top of a metal ceiling
Affixed perfectly above a flight of stairs that leads to the top floor.
I thought, "maybe we could climb the metal ceiling like a ramp."
it turns out
that not only is it
incredibly difficult not to
fall off of a slanted flimsy ramp
with no handles. But it is also: Terrifying!
Eventually I make it to the top and realize:
**** There is still a tall ledge I have to hoist myself onto"
I look down to the short brunette quivering
on the ramp's lowest tier and decide that there is no way either of us were going to make it.
"Hey rose, " (That wasn't her real name)
Let's try a different way up.
attempting to crawl down slowly,
my **** scoots forward, hands behind me,
I slip and start gliding down like a children's slide.
flailing and attempting to catch myself before
falling off the edge and plummeting onto a dumpster.
(Whistling noises)
Thud!
She screams.
I laugh uncontrollably.
She slowly descends our statuesque landmark milkcrate staircase.
Like an angel coming from ghetto heaven.
I lift myself up and hop down off the dumpster.
putting my backpack down,
I check to see if the ***** bottle is okay.
It's fine.
"Good job, *******
"We're fine."
"You're an idiot."
"I could have died, don't I at least get a kiss or something?"
She gives me a disapproving look, then kisses me.
eventually we did
make it up to a rooftop,
Where we laid and watched the stars.
They were warm, distant, and beautiful.
I liked feeling their glow on my skin.
But I loved taking the journey to meet them.
Jun 22, 2015
Jun 22, 2015 at 2:50 PM UTC
Last week I got an urge to lay on a rooftop, and drink ***** under the stars,
so I packed an empty backpack with svedka, a notebook, and a cellphone; and went on a mission.
I spent an afternoon looking around.
Taking notes on how in the hell, I could get up to a place that was flat, a roof, and could see the stars.
As it turns out,
the rooftops are not a place Freeport wants you to be.
in fact, one staircase directly leading to the top of a building specifically said
"No Trespassing"
Keeping me out with a locked metal door.
so I kept adventuring.
It did not occur to me until after I had already spent quite awhile scribbling down notes on locations of
milk crates I could use,
ledges low enough to grab,
dumpsters I could maybe move over just a bit,
how illegal it may be,
(I'M still not sure)
Or how dangerous it may be
(probably quite very)
To go on this adventure.
I texted a beautiful girl and asked if she wanted to drink ***** under the stars.
being the suave romantic that I am,
Having spent my whole morning surveying different routes to the rooftops.
Having planned out such a storybook evening, obviously her answer was,
"nah, I'd rather stay home, smoke **** and watch the new season of Orange is the new black."
********* Ruby Rose...
Stop. stealing. my dates.
After introducing myself to a handful of other potential candidates, I finally find a woman who believes climbing onto a rooftop and drinking ***** would be a swell time.
By the time I pick her up and get back to the spot,
it's late enough that Freeport is a ghost town.
We run down the middle of the street, me dragging her, doctor and companion style towards the first flawless plan:
Milkcrates behind linda beans.
We stack them up like steps and walk up to the top of a metal ceiling
Affixed perfectly above a flight of stairs that leads to the top floor.
I thought, "maybe we could climb the metal ceiling like a ramp."
it turns out
that not only is it
incredibly difficult not to
fall off of a slanted flimsy ramp
with no handles. But it is also: Terrifying!
Eventually I make it to the top and realize:
**** There is still a tall ledge I have to hoist myself onto"
I look down to the short brunette quivering
on the ramp's lowest tier and decide that there is no way either of us were going to make it.
"Hey rose, " (That wasn't her real name)
Let's try a different way up.
attempting to crawl down slowly,
my **** scoots forward, hands behind me,
I slip and start gliding down like a children's slide.
flailing and attempting to catch myself before
falling off the edge and plummeting onto a dumpster.
(Whistling noises)
Thud!
She screams.
I laugh uncontrollably.
She slowly descends our statuesque landmark milkcrate staircase.
Like an angel coming from ghetto heaven.
I lift myself up and hop down off the dumpster.
putting my backpack down,
I check to see if the ***** bottle is okay.
It's fine.
"Good job, *******
"We're fine."
"You're an idiot."
"I could have died, don't I at least get a kiss or something?"
She gives me a disapproving look, then kisses me.
eventually we did
make it up to a rooftop,
Where we laid and watched the stars.
They were warm, distant, and beautiful.
I liked feeling their glow on my skin.
But I loved taking the journey to meet them.
