Do you ever open your eyes and see something so dark?
Something so dark it's like you never opened them?
Then you turn your head and see the light, and look at it questionably, when your crying on the inside to be accepted and crying outside to be loved, and to have someone care, someone to hold you and say I love you even if it's not the love you want.
Have you wanted someone to wipe away your tears and say it's not time to cry yet, it's not time to worry.
When you try so hard to please and end up getting stepped on
I do. And I cry. And I hurt.
Does that make people notice?
No.
Do I have someone hold me as say I love you, even if it's not the love I want?
No.
I open my eyes at night and see darkness like I never actually opened my eyes. And. Sometimes. I. Don't. Notice. The. Light.
And then I float into a imaginable life, called a dream. Somewhere I can only go when I sleep.  Somewhere I can go to when I sleep because it's easier to sleep then face my life. Somewhere where I'm actually loved and accepted.
And Then I open my eyes, to that exact same darkness.
Did I ever open my eyes?
I didn't did I?
I guess I will try again another time. But that day I see that real warm light, is the day I start loving myself.
But that will take centuries. And waiting hurts. But in my life
All I do is wait.
{tbt}