when i crawl into the bottle i become numb.
weightless.
i feel nothing. i fake a smile and laugh.
i feel alive when i don't feel anything.
clenching my teeth
shaking my head
slapping my cheeks
i feel nothing.
a wave of happiness hits me.
when i crawl into bed and sober up.
i feel what i tried to erase.
the wave hits me again.
only this time its reality and clarity.
i just want to chase what makes me happy.
even if it drowns me.