will i go out to dinner and celebrate my weakness celebrate my futility smell the roses that reek of decay
maybe i will. and then in march celebrate the day he forced his hand down my pants in april, the day he taught me to use my mouth in july, the day he popped what he fondly called the christian girl's "buttcherry" to his friends or september, the day i was so desperate to remember how to feel that i tried to jump start my heart by letting him finally take my virginity
guess what? it didn't work. it made it worse.
now i wait for the searing, pounding, aching anger to remind me that a heart beats in its empty, echoing cavity anger is the only thing that reminds me i am human that i have the capability to feel to be hurt, but not to be vulnerable no, to be hurt, and to hurt in return. yes, this is what makes my heart beat again. this is what keeps me alive i thrive on the thought that he will suffer for what he did like i suffered for what he did