waking up is the worst.

it's that all of a sudden awful snap back into reality

a dark, unforgiving room stares right on back

as though

"now i have to try and go back to sleep"

is the only option.



i've given up on counting sheep

on classical music and breathing exercises.

it isn't that i can't fall asleep

because on those nights i am the luckiest,

it's the

suffocating

dream pattern

falling back into place,

sometimes dropping right back in where you left off

in the middle of the sky falling

or fighting for your life,

it's the

illusion of control

that

this is my kingdom

and you'll do as i say

when nothing is really yours anymore.



but waking up is the worst.

even after

morning coffee

a shower

breakfast

not remembering

what made you this way

is the worst.