I found myself on the floor in a gas station bathroom at 2 am trying to find the person I used to be. The last time I was here was when my mother told me that the person who loves me the least will show it with their hands and the girl who broke my heart had bruised every part of me that she touched for 9 months.
I tried putting the razor down I tried to stop drinking I tried to stop taking pills I tried I tried I tried and still couldn't find the self worth that I knew I ******* deserved to stop.
Giving up on yourself isn't easy when you now love a girl who makes the self rot inside your heart bloom with every beautiful flower imaginable. With trembling hands I touched her silhouette and a year later I still can't stop shaking from the impact she left on me. My breath catches in my lungs when she laughs and my lips curl into a smile every time she calls me baby, ridiculously cheesy I know, but I'd be lying if it wasn't real. And that's what we are, we're real and she's here like you never were.
It hurts to be human but I was put on this earth to love, even though I was taught that this love was a sin, so let me give you all of me so I won't throw myself away to societal values and beliefs and let me be me for once.
I have so much of me to give and I'm afraid if you leave that there will be nothing left, that my name will be whispered under your breath like you were ashamed to have ever loved a natural disaster. And just like a natural disaster, I destroy everything in my path, I've hurt others because the pieces of me that used to care were taken by others and now I just don't give a ****. While destroying others I destroyed myself trying to find the peace of mind I used to have before my dad left and before my grandma died and before I knew I loved everyone a little too deeply and before I found relief in straight lines and bruises and emptiness and it's all too ******* much for someone my age to be dealing with and I'm searching for my escape in the bathroom at a gas station at 2 am.