there are enough people in this world to make me hate myself
my world is a mile long and 400 million miles into the sky
sometimes I wish I could hit the stars
maybe my mind will fly far off enough that I leave here, even if it makes me crazy

I don't know if anything I do will ever be good enough
because being good enough for myself is never enough
enough is a strange concept

I take a breath late at night when I'm alone
but when I'm in a crowded room I sink low and bite my lip until it bleeds
I see him laughing and I like the way his veins make spiders look less scary
I like that he scares me
but I don't like him one bit

I walk around the park seven times before realizing that it's pitch black out
and I notice how old men have scowls on their faces when they think no one is looking

there are 7 oceans in the world and I have swam in every one of them
and I realized how you believe what you want to believe
I believe that they are all the same

My father once told me that I have to work hard to get what I wanted in life
and now I have proved him wrong by holding you close
he proved me wrong when you left.
I worked hard for you even when I knew you were never coming back
working hard never seems to pay off

I take a deep breath
and I breathe.