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Letter To My Brother For His Birthday

You're thirteen, sorry fourteen this week You think you know the world, have it figured out You think you know yourself, without a doubt Let me tell you some things I learned when I was about your age I learned how to go from popular bitch to no good freak show Nothing but an ipod every day at lunch, no friends, no food I learned that I had addictions that I didn't know even existed I learned how badly I wanted attention from his hands, his mouth I learned what it like to be violated in the worse most degrading way I learned how to get high I learned that the intentional pain I'd always caused could be A harnessed tool to cope by I learned that if I stopped eating altogether no one cared I learned what it was like to think you loved someone I learned that I liked girls I learned what girls could taste like, feel like -- what I could feel like I learned that I didn't like girls I learned what it's like to have people spread rumors about you I learned what it's like to try to drown yourself then feel guilt Guilt about your little brother who would have no idea why You little bastard, it wasn't long after that the violence between us started You're big enough, strong enough to do damage on the family pet I'm the family pet, you think you know but you don't You've been calling me names for years But you don't know how true they are You think you love her -- you don't know love until you're nothing When you're nothing and this skinny little kid everyone hates saves you This annoying as hell kid who shows you that The world isn't as dark as you thought it was This kid who loves you not for sex, not for bragging rights, but because He sees this skinny little bird who lost her feathers and her wings And is waiting to die and he thinks she could be beautiful She thought she knew who she was before but he helped her find it Soon you'll be fifteen When I was fifteen I couldn't find my skinny little kid, he'd changed Not for the worse but away from me I fell into old habits And new ones Deadly ones I changed back into the addict, not eating, not sleeping, sniffing, watching, cutting, stabbing, nothing I covered myself in laughter, hysterical and crazy I became quiet I fell apart more because of guys, complete douchebag guys Like you're turning out to be Don't think you know everything, that you're an angel Because I was fucked up at six because of what they did You were fucked up at four because of him Both were accidents, but as you can see in me from six to seven To nine to eleven To when I was your age, all that happened was I got ruined because of the secrets The ones no one can know The ones that when crossing paths with the world kill you inside You can't see that yet You aren't aware that you're broken Now you're damn well old enough to Wake Up
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Written by
WickedHope
28 / F
Published
Nov 29, 2014
Lines·Words
58·538
Notes

I hate breathing.

Happy Birthday, dick.

Tags
#life#age#letter#birthday#siblings#fucked
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