the winter was bitter
cozy and cold
and i found comfort in misery

perhaps it would go away when the sun came out and the flowers bloomed and seeds sprouted with new life and new promise

but
the rain came and gloomy days remained
and i still smiled with a grimace
and i still stayed up and stared at my ceiling and wondered

when i would be happy

because it's a heavy blanket over my legs
a spider web of stories and a shattered window that couldn't be glued back together

it's the half moons under my eyes
the lack of mirrors
and the chewed cuticles

it's fine
sadness
creeping into the cracks when you're not whole and finding the best parts of you
and nesting and spreading and staying

sad