Everyone grabs a hold of me all at once
Each hand is pulling on my bones
and clawing at my skin
Digging their nails deeper as I make my way in a particular direction

I feel the rough texture of the hands
I feel it at all times of day

I feel it when I go outside
I feel it when I wake up
I feel it when I sleep
I feel it when I eat
I feel it always

I'm never without the hands
clawing at my existence
Dragging me in all of the directions I could go
but never leading me to a place I want to be

Sometimes they lead me to my bedroom
Decorated in all my artwork
They sit me down so I have a clear view of my creativity
I see the hard work and motivation I had
But I never feel any spark

Sometimes they lead me to my kitchen
and I will look at all the food my body needs
They pick out the foods that I desire the most
But then I get lead into the bathroom
and they kneel me on the cold tile floor
with my own hands propping my head above the toilet

Often they lead me to school
To classes that I listen in
that all have the same white walls
and same tile floor
and I hear all of the teachers saying the same kinds of things
That we must prepare for our future
You must apply for colleges
We have to prepare you for college
Your future is now
Everything is important
You need to do this
Without this you won't be successful
my stomach gets sick my hands shiver with anxiety

I lastly will get lead into my living room
To a familiar chair that has a soft feeling of home
I notice a stack of pictures and polaroids
slightly tanned from age
of the memories I've forgotten about
and I see my dad
I see him smiling while he's holding my brother as an infant
A grin so full of happiness that you would never think it could fade
Then I get pulled to his house
I see him standing there
He's thin and gray
and his smile has faded
I don't get the soft, home feeling
Because this isn't home