Nov 2014
That surge of happiness that engulfs my entire being, it will **** me. The entire idea of being able to smile next to you, to talk about topics that only the both of us have in common; the idea that I was one of your important people in your life.
That surge of loneliness that engulfs my entire being, it killed me. The entire idea of staring at your messages that were sent two weeks ago, not talking about the things that we used to talk about; the idea that I've watched you strayed from my grasp and onto somebody else's side. The idea that now she holds your deepest secrets and I have been holding onto nothing but the past. The idea that your recent messages sent to her were just a minute ago or maybe you're in fact there with her right now.
That surge of anger that engulfs my entire being, it will destroy me. The entire idea that I've been spilling hot tears to calm my raging heart, as I heave in hopes that I can pull myself together; the idea that I scream in my pillows and throw the picture frames of us together in hopes that you could see me suffering for the past four months without you here beside me. The idea that I've been seeing your genuine smiles directed to her and I couldn't help but curse at the sky. The idea that I have absolutely nowhere to direct this anger at but myself.
That surge of emptiness that engulfs my entire being, it has annihilated me. I now lay on my bed with the thoughts of you in my mind, searching for the smiles that have been long forgotten. I try to reach forward in vain with the hopes of trying to remember the surge of happiness that you've given me with every word and every touch. I try to remember what I was like when I was totally and undeniably smitten with the thought of you. The sun hasn't been able to brighten up my room ever since you left and the sun hasn't been able to give me strength. It's been cold these past few months as I lay in the darkness of my entire being.
That surge of happiness that engulfed my entire being; you've murdered me. And yet, I still search for you.
That surge of loneliness that engulfs my entire being, it killed me. The entire idea of staring at your messages that were sent two weeks ago, not talking about the things that we used to talk about; the idea that I've watched you strayed from my grasp and onto somebody else's side. The idea that now she holds your deepest secrets and I have been holding onto nothing but the past. The idea that your recent messages sent to her were just a minute ago or maybe you're in fact there with her right now.
That surge of anger that engulfs my entire being, it will destroy me. The entire idea that I've been spilling hot tears to calm my raging heart, as I heave in hopes that I can pull myself together; the idea that I scream in my pillows and throw the picture frames of us together in hopes that you could see me suffering for the past four months without you here beside me. The idea that I've been seeing your genuine smiles directed to her and I couldn't help but curse at the sky. The idea that I have absolutely nowhere to direct this anger at but myself.
That surge of emptiness that engulfs my entire being, it has annihilated me. I now lay on my bed with the thoughts of you in my mind, searching for the smiles that have been long forgotten. I try to reach forward in vain with the hopes of trying to remember the surge of happiness that you've given me with every word and every touch. I try to remember what I was like when I was totally and undeniably smitten with the thought of you. The sun hasn't been able to brighten up my room ever since you left and the sun hasn't been able to give me strength. It's been cold these past few months as I lay in the darkness of my entire being.
That surge of happiness that engulfed my entire being; you've murdered me. And yet, I still search for you.
Not much of a poem than it is a prose.
