i cried then as i thought of the homes in my heart that i had left behind

with the band playing in the background that i had once seen in the middle of the park
with the friends that i had made in that too tiny building
the boy who tapped, the other that never showered
the wine that we drank in the same park a year ago out of coffee mugs
the bikes we rode from one end of town to the other
the stoop we sat on night after night
the roof we climbed onto and sparked bowls upon
the whales i swam with every night

it all flooded back to me and all i could do was want for it
i knew i could never have it again and i thought to myself that perhaps this is what heart break feels like

i wondered what my family was doing, and no, i didn't mean the family with the same blood running through their veins
we had created a family with a force field like no other
all of us gifted in some way
pushing at the boundaries always, working as one with a strange sort of balance,
almost like a cable bridge

i sighed then and realized my endless yearning would do me no good
we had scattered now, as if a child had plucked us from a field and blown the seeds every which way
no matter how hard we tried to cling onto each other the wind had its plans