A Confession

You call me a friend,

So listen to me blather

And splatter, as I pretend

I can mend just what's

left of my heart

Do you see my father up there?

Because I don't.

He's as ethereal as the clouds passing by

Nonsensical, whimsical, unethical

But more than that, absent

Do you see all these people passing by?

I do.

I stare at every one

Hoping for a lover, a friend or even an enemy

Anything familiar or functional.

I just need someone to put their hand out

And who gives a **** what it's for

I sure as hell won't ask

I just need to be touched

Do you see your face in the mirror?

I sure as hell can

It's the face that haunts my every thought

I don't know if this is love or obsession

But either way, I can't get you to leave

me with your affection

I know this isn't how it's supposed to go

But how can I say no

To love, in spite of all the sorrow

Do you see me?

Because I'm not sure he's there

You see the show

All glitter and glow

Me when I'm strong

Not when I'm wrong

I see me through a veil

Only partly there

I see the good

And the pain

But there's plenty I miss

I want to see

I want parents who care

I want relationships that can weather the wear

I want you to be there

I'm petty, greedy

And ever so needy

I'm scared and spiteful

and even hurtful

But never mindful

of what I really need

So now do you see?

This is me

weak and foolish

And not at all

who I want to be

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