he walked from me
i held his pills in my hand
and crushed them under my tongue
his old friends returned and I told them to help him love me
they complied as our ashy fingers lit another cigarette
empty liquor bottles clinked in his pants
he made no move to hide them
i kissed his eyelids as his mouth proclaimed improbable math equations
they told me of our ****** up trails
for I was his blockade to recovery
his mouth whispered these things but his eyes lied to me
they reached out from the lining of his iris’
and pulled me to him
they told me he loved me
and they sizzled blue, but not from the drugs
i saw a spectrum of colors pass over my vision as he told me he’s crazy
i smoked his words away with my cigarette
and listened to his voice
vibrations of pitch that circle my circadian rhythm
i listen because I know someday his words will be silent
the voices will tell him to leave
they’ll take him away
so I listen
listen to his beautiful words
his melody of thoughts
flowing from his deceitful mouth
i memorize his sentences
with every period, comma, and pause
i memorize the seconds he takes to breath
how his cigarette lights as his lips brush it
i know it will not always be this way
our friends leave us in the car alone
as I gaze upon the symmetry of him
my black fingers run down his concave circles
his parallel lines
horizontal cliffs that tempt my touch
i run them along his face
so I won’t forget as he leaves me
his body resides beneath mine
the layers of his excuses
his layered conversations choke me
the pills are working now
it is I who has left him.